Every Friday is Qad Day

My beloved Qad,.I just hope u know I really wanted the best for u girl. This wish had never change since I met u. Although I must admit my shortcomings and times u tolerated my cranky behaviour. But ure still the best Qad ever 🙂
These may be what I can do as a Qad, the mission to accompany u. However I must let u know. U mean the world to me! Therefore I ll be there!

To have lunch with u~

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Ure one hell of a great girlfriend who allows me to order many naise dishes and willing to gobble down as much as u can even when ure real full. Ours meals are never without laughter and joy:)

It is my privilege to be able to eat with u and talk to u, spending time together from everyday to every Friday makes my life complete~

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We ve been through a lot these years, but the best times we ve been together is actually everyday. Hence, Friday is the Qad day.

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No matter how many times we hang out at the same place. ..life is never mundane with u~

And to confess that I did tried my best to be a good girlfriend. And is still trying to be better than best, because u deserve more. I  could have done u wrong in the past by being a bitch in some ways, giving ur secret out to another friend without ur knowledge. & despite knowing I might still be doing it, u are always patient, kind and generously loving.

Thanks for being such an Angel! I really hope one day. ..we can get back to our clique and be happy once again! I miss my ex clique so much it hurts.

That all misunderstandings will be cleared or actually doesnt even exist at all. That we will be loved and bonded. And we will come to a point to accept each other s good and bad. To a point of enlightenment, life is but a dream and nothing beats a good dream worthwhile.

Let peace come into our hearts and so we heal as the Qads 🙂 And may we be able to heal the people around us. Ure my strength. I hope Im urs too 😀
Qad JIAYOUS!! U CAN DE!!

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Me and My Bad Mouth

Why must I write about bad luck in my previous post? Now I am officially screwed in my exam paper T.T

But God gave me a surprise after my paper 😀 I saw laode in school!! I almost forgot he did told me days ago that he will drop by 🙂 And he brought presents for me from taiwan despite I am such a lousy student.

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I sincerely hope my supervisor would not be mad at my answer and he will be very lenient with me on this module :/ *jitters*

Deep in Thoughts

Sigh. ..Spilling tea all over myself is not good news. What a bad day >.>

My daydreaming syndrome is getting worst each day. Especially when I’m alone.

I wonder why there’s a song for this: http://suisei.kokidokom.net/2011/02/01/fujiwara-marina-daydream-syndrome-lyrics-translation/

This is so describing me and what I am always feeling in the day (In fact, I am experiencing all the symptoms):

“Maladaptive Daydreaming” is a psychological term first used by Eli Somer[1] to describe a condition in which a person excessively daydreams or fantasizes, sometimes as a response to prior psychological trauma or abuse.[2] Maladaptive Daydreaming is a symptom of multiple Mental Disorders. In the DSM-IV-TR it is classified as a dissociative disorder, while in the ICD-10 it is called Maladaptive Daydreaming and is currently in the process of being classified as an independent neurotic disorder. As of right now, its still listed as a symptom.

Maladaptive Daydreaming is still listed as being symptoms of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Bipolar and/or Schizophrenia. But, through a little more research, Psychologists are working on making it an independent neurotic disorder.

Maladaptive Daydreaming is most commonly caused by excessive amounts of stress, Depression, Anxiety, Loneliness, low self-esteem, social awkwardness, feelings of “Not fitting in with anyone”, and a response to Emotional, Physical, and Verbal Abuse and/or Neglect in early childhood, early teenage years and early adulthood.

A lot of the time patients do develop Anxiety, Depression, Depersonalization/Derealization and some even hallucinate. Some Maladaptive Daydreamers claim to hear voices from their daydreams and/or see things and people from their daydreams due to their case of Daydreaming being extreme or having high Anxiety and/or paranoia. Maladaptive Daydreamers usually have daydreams that resemble movie-like plots and story-like plots.[3]

Adapted from WIKIPEDIA: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maladaptive_daydreaming

 

Also, I found out this type of disorders stems from having a Fantasy prone personality. I used to think that all artist or people who are creative have this trait, never once I felt that excessive such behaviour can actually make a person become OBSESSIVE.

Fantasy prone personality (FPP) is a disposition or personality trait in which a person experiences a lifelong extensive and deep involvement in fantasy.[1] This disposition is an attempt, at least in part, to better describe “living in a dream world”.[2] An individual with this trait (termed a fantasizer) may have difficulty differentiating between fantasy and reality and may experience hallucinations, as well as self-suggested psychosomatic symptoms. Closely related psychological constructs include daydreaming, absorption and eidetic memory.

Characteristic features[edit]

A fantasy prone person is reported to spend a large portion of his or her time fantasizing, have vividly intense fantasies, have paranormal experiences, and have intense religious experiences.[5] The fantasies may include dissociation and sexual fantasies. People with FPP are reported to spend over half of their time awake fantasizing or daydreaming and will often confuse or mix their fantasies with their real memories. They also report out-of-body experiences.[5]

A paracosm is an extremely detailed and structured fantasy world often created by extreme or compulsive fantasizers.

Wilson and Barber listed numerous characteristics in their pioneer study, which have been clarified and amplified in later studies.[6][7] These characteristics are:

  1. excellent hypnotic subject (most but not all fantasizers)
  2. having imaginary friends in childhood
  3. fantasizing often as child
  4. having an actual fantasy identity
  5. experiencing imagined sensations as real
  6. having vivid sensory perceptions
  7. reputed paranormal experiences (claiming psychic powers, encountering apparitions, reliving past experiences, having out-of-body experiences, communicating with higher intelligences or spirits, claiming to be abducted by aliens)
  8. mystical experiences
  9. believe they have powers for spiritual healing or faith healing
  10. hypnogogic hallucinations (waking dreams)
  11. receiving sexual satisfaction without physical stimulation.

Fantasy proneness is measured by the “inventory of childhood memories and imaginings” (ICMI) [8] and the “creative experiences questionnaire (CEQ).[5]

Health implications[edit]

False pregnancy (pseudocyesis). A surprisingly high number of female fantasizers – 60% of the women asked in the Wilson-Barber study – reported that they have had a false pregnancy (pseudocyesis) at least once. They believed that they were pregnant, and they had many of the symptoms. In addition to amenorrhea (stoppage of menstruation), they typically experienced at least four of the following: breast changes, abdominal enlargement, morning sickness, cravings, and “fetal” movements. Two of the subjects went for abortions, following which they were told that no fetus had been found. All of the other false pregnancies terminated quickly when negative results were received from pregnancy tests.[3]

Maladaptive daydreaming. [14] A recent study reports on 90 excessive, compulsive or maladaptive fantasizers who engaged in extensive periods of highly-structured immersive imaginative experiences. They often reported distress stemming from three factors: difficulty in controlling their fantasies that seemed overwhelming; concern that the fantasies interfered in their personal relationships; and intense shame and exhaustive efforts to keep this “abnormal” behaviour hidden from others.

Famous fantasizers[edit]

  • Enid Blyton.[15] In an appendix to Barbara Stoney’s biography, psychologist Peter McKellar describes Enid Blyton’s vivid imagination and eidetic memory. She transcribed her prolific stories (over 600 titles) from visions that paraded before her eyes. A story emerged automatically in her mind’s eye, without conscious planning, almost as if she had a private cinema screen. Her “under-mind” seemed able to receive directions such as “the story must be 40,000 words long”; the book ended almost to the word.
  • Emily Brontë.[16] Emily Brontë, one of three literary sisters, wrote the powerfully imaginative novel “Wuthering Heights”. Together with her two sisters, Charlotte and Anne, she fantasized frequently as a child, created a detailed fantasy world or identity (paracosm), experienced imagined sensations as real, and had vivid sensory perceptions.
  • Charles Dickens.[17] The famous novels and short stories of Dickens are filled with ghost stories, in some of which they are the central feature, e.g., “A Christmas Carol”. In a famous drawing, Dickens is seen sitting in his study, and fantasies are seen parading before his eyes, as in the manner of Enid Blyton. His childhood was traumatic. As a child, his nanny Mary Weller regaled him with horror stories, which stimulated his imagination. He also apparently suffered from manic-depression (bipolar disorder).
  • Albert Einstein. The highly creative physicist was a private man who spoke little about his mental life. However it is feasible to argue that he was fantasy-prone, based on a few scattered comments. Einstein told his physician and friend Janos Plesch: “The gift of fantasy has meant more to me than my talent for absorbing positive knowledge”. He often conducted “thought experiments”. For example, he fantasized himself passing another observer, each of them in a spaceship travelling close to the speed of light. These fantasies were directly contributed to the formulation of his revolutionary theories of relativity.[18] He once told his son (who asked why he was so famous) that he constructed his experiments inside his skull. He rode atop imaginary beams of light … He accomplished these feats with images that blended into filmic sequences in his head.[19]
  • Nikola Tesla.[3][20] The famous inventor had very strong visual fantasies. This ability caused him much “mental anguish” during his childhood; for example, he had difficulty in differentiating between a visualized apple and a real apple. As he got older, however, he learned to discriminate more clearly between his visualizations and reality and used his ability to great advantage in visually constructing his inventions such as the alternating current generator, the induction coil, fluorescent lighting, and neon bulbs.

Adapted from WIKIPEDIA: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fantasy_prone_personality

 

Feeling extremely exhausted after falling down an escalator and over spilled tea :/ T.T

Yet, am still having that mini movie playing both in and on my mind.

 

 

The magic of a SMILE

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The top two picture (left+right) in this collage are more suitable to be in a job application (maybe). But the bottom two are super naise, it appears to be as if we’re both in a video call or something. Good to say, his smile turns me on greatly. Score 10/10!!

In love with a perfectionist

The worst thing in a relationship is not being with the wrong guy who loves u, it is being with the right guy who dont. I finally understood the meaning of being in love with an illusion. A perfect dream girl in his heart and I m just a replacement, a physical girlfriend to fufill his needs for someone to hold and hug. But his love is dedicated to his illusionary girlfriend. I am real, but the girl he loves is not.
Often, he describes his girlfriend as cute, innocent and sweet. But obviously I am nothing like that at all. Whenever I did something wrong, I am accused of bringing down his girlfriend. When I abuse myself in any way or even telling him I am fat. He told me not to badmouth or lie to him about his girlfriend. I am an evil being in his eyes. I felt like either he got split personality or I am going to have it soon.

Heart break open wide and bleed it out.

Arigato Zephy!!

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And Qad for giving me all the encouragement to get these through!! U guys are my Angels 🙂

And Dr Gerry. He never fail to brighten up my day at times. He deserves an awesome teaching award man. Was on my earpiece and rock song while checking out my seating arrangement outside class. He called out to me and smile a “HIE Fiona” behind me. I only realise after he s some distance away towards his office. Hastily plucked out my earpiece and managed a ” HIE ” back and caught a glimpse of his smile before he dissappeared behind the door. Awww~ thanks for the greeting! It’s like having my supervisor cheered me on before my major exam!!

X-men sneak preview

One mega word for this movie: Fantastic!

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Love how evil can the mystic girl be~ and how life changing the take home message is. At least I know nothing is finale until I die, until I couldn’t change the world and myself.

Le boyfriend took me out to chillax, glad for his company and his attention tonight!!

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He bought me a monopod before I went for my exams!

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The seating arrangement today was awesome. I get to sit in between somewhere with a wall on my left.