Most probably because my fever subsided, so I’m able to type again 🙂
Feeling calm and peaceful now.
If I’m still feeling agitated, maybe the feeling of sickness will come back
I think maybe it’s stress. And insufficient sleeping time. Time management perhaps.
Not only do I screw my work, tire myself out until I fell sick.
It’s so horrible to be falling sick time and again within a few months.
Guess I’m not taking care of myself properly.
Eat well, rest well Fiona.
Please take care, life is fragile.
Treasure your health really.
Supposedly, I was in school today.
I think I’ve given up on trying to figure what is ching thinking.
And given up I meant it.
Yes, I am insensitive, so there were times when she gave me attitudes and I wasn’t able to catch the hints.
Isn’t this good?
I am less affected by this, if I do not wish to be affected.
And this is the last warning I am giving myself, please stay out of her affairs.
If she is see-ing her ex again, leave her be.
If she is dao-ing you at times, giving you the cold treatment, ignore her.
There is no way you can help her, because the problem lies with her. Alright?
Dao me, then apologise to me, attitude me, then apologise, feeling bad, then apologise.
Then what for? why did it all in the first place really ):
Sigh, I am sick of your ever-changing personality.
I don’t know what to say. (no pun intended)
I told her, she is not apathetic, but she insist.
I tried my best to be there for her, always one call away. I did it.
Whenever she needs help, I will never decline any of her offers.
I appreciate her help and support in some of my school work too. Sincerely.
I guess everybody has a different definition of ‘friends’ and ‘friendship’.
I told her the reason why she tend to form weak bonds with people is because of the lack of cordialness.
She agreed. But of course this is not a personal fault. It depends on the environment.
But soon I realise, it is not easy to get along properly with her, or be too close with her. Or should I say it is very hard for me to do so.
Independent yes. She’s a great classmate 🙂
Seen her at work and really a competitive student! Everything was well, until she starts throwing tantrums.
I thought because I was easily affected by my surroundings.
But no, this time round, not.
She’s really targeting me. And I don’t feel good.
This is the first time ever, I find it so hard, so hard to get along well with a person.
We don’t suit. I thought I would never say this because I believe sincerity and warmth, friendliness and care, love and hope cures all wonders. But seriously, I cannot tahan the way she treats me.
For a moment, she can touch you all over, and hold your hands whenever she goes. Then after a while, give you attitude like you owed her something. And she gets emotional easily, getting upset over things you may or may not intentionally hurt her.
And I am so bothered by this because I am the one spending most of my time with her.
I think I can’t hold on to this friendship any more.
She’s driving me crazy. Whats more she was the one who told me all of these, I forgive you 🙂
But really, things and relationships cannot be rushed. Your expectations are too high, I cannot follow up.
And though you wanted to be a good friend to everybody, I can see your sweet effort 🙂
Despite you being rebellious, cranky at times, extreme and sporty, bitchy and easily frustrated, you’re a good natured girl 🙂
Thanks for trying to fit in, but I guess I’m not cut out to be your ‘best’ friend.
You need someone who is tougher. Like you said, you want a close guy-friend. A guy who is stronger to protect you, and willing to love you no matter what.
So I shall stop relating to her now 🙂 Give myself a break. Assignments to catch up, shall do them all tomorrow afternoon 🙂
As for QAD, I know I kind of annoyed you with my contradicting decisions. Sincerely hope for your forgiveness, I’m just blur after taking my medicine. The initial plan, was to give laode a surprise by turning up without notice.
But nobody can predict when an illness befalls. I can understand how disappointing it is, to receive little response for a hearty, grand birthday celebration. 21st is important. But honestly writing, even if I do not attend this chalet tomorrow, I will never regret it.
The love and care I gave, the efforts I put in, everything I’ve done for you. Is it not enough? All along I cherished laode as a friend, and ‘family member’ like what he wrote in my class graduation gift card. Every single day I have not regretted doing anything for him:) Trying my best to give unconditional attention and love. What I got in the end, is get stuck in between your selfishness and expectation.
You expected me to attend. yes, I expected myself to as well. Because spending time together on a birthday party is meaningful and happy. But important as it is, there is no way I can .. . You see, I am going to your chalet tomorrow, carrying all my disease, flu and fever with my mum.
I hope it’s not contagious enough to spread to your other friends. And ching gets so upset with me because I fall ill. The first thing that came to her mind, is not that I am ill, wishing me to get well soon, or asking me to go home and rest. BUT TO REPRIMAND ME, because I could not turn up tomorrow for this special event. I am doing my assignment: Food Diary. I have to weigh every single food I ate and note it down in my diary for a period of three days. And tomorrow is my last day of doing so.
I thought I would have fun, I miss having fun with my beloved QAD and laode. You think I am that evil to forsake my friends?!
No way, even if I am left with half of my life, I got cancer and is dying whatever ,I will attend. I will drag my body and go there, sit down and stare at you. I will wish you happy birthday and smile. I will do everything you expect me to. And if this is what friendship means to you, then so be it.
Devastating to know that years spent with love, only ends with heartache. Expectation kills relationship. It really does.