Feed love

My first time though, taking amoxycillin for my 39 degree c fever.

I am glad im still alive and kicking. Grateful for all the care and concerns& my classmates rumouring i too stress. Overworked myself perhaps.

I must go back and finish what i have not started.

Id love imagining myself sitting on a rowing sampan thru a swampy rainforest, every on my way home from yiochukang station. Its so serene and beautiful.. .

Ive tried giving myself a break and ample rest by breathing properly. Be at peace in heart. Then i found out, i may have ran out of love thats why. So there i filled my soul up with nutrients i need to stay healthy.

If there s anybody who ask me how do a person stay healthy, id say, feed food to your body, feed love to your soul.

Devastating

Most probably because my fever subsided, so I’m able to type again 🙂

Feeling calm and peaceful now.

If I’m still feeling agitated, maybe the feeling of sickness will come back :/

Breathe~~

 

I think maybe it’s stress. And insufficient sleeping time. Time management perhaps.

Not only do I screw my work, tire myself out until I fell sick.

It’s so horrible to be falling sick time and again within a few months.

Guess I’m not taking care of myself properly.

Eat well, rest well Fiona.

Please take care, life is fragile.

Treasure your health really.

 

Supposedly, I was in school today.

I think I’ve given up on trying to figure what is ching thinking.

And given up I meant it.

Yes, I am insensitive, so there were times when she gave me attitudes and I wasn’t able to catch the hints.

Isn’t this good?

I am less affected by this, if I do not wish to be affected.

And this is the last warning I am giving myself, please stay out of her affairs.

If she is see-ing her ex again, leave her be.

If she is dao-ing you at times, giving you the cold treatment, ignore her.

There is no way you can help her, because the problem lies with her. Alright?

 

Dao me, then apologise to me, attitude me, then apologise, feeling bad, then apologise.

Then what for? why did it all in the first place really ):

Sigh, I am sick of your ever-changing personality.

I don’t know what to say. (no pun intended)

Really speechless.

 

I told her, she is not apathetic, but she insist.

I tried my best to be there for her, always one call away. I did it.

Whenever she needs help, I will never decline any of her offers.

I appreciate her help and support in some of my school work too. Sincerely.

I guess everybody has a different definition of ‘friends’ and ‘friendship’.

 

I told her the reason why she tend to form weak bonds with people is because of the lack of cordialness.

She agreed. But of course this is not a personal fault. It depends on the environment.

But soon I realise, it is not easy to get along properly with her, or be too close with her.  Or should I say it is very hard for me to do so.

Independent yes. She’s a great classmate 🙂

Seen her at work and really a competitive student! Everything was well, until she starts throwing tantrums.

 

I thought because I was easily affected by my surroundings.

But no, this time round, not.

She’s really targeting me. And I don’t feel good.

This is the first time ever, I find it so hard, so hard to get along well with a person.

We don’t suit. I thought I would never say this because I believe sincerity and warmth, friendliness and care, love and hope cures all wonders. But seriously, I cannot tahan the way she treats me.

For a moment, she can touch you all over, and hold your hands whenever she goes. Then after a while, give you attitude like you owed her something. And she gets emotional easily, getting upset over things you may or may not intentionally hurt her.

And I am so bothered by this because I am the one spending most of my time with her.

I think I can’t hold on to this friendship any more.

 

She’s driving me crazy. Whats more she was the one who told me all of these, I forgive you 🙂

But really, things and relationships cannot be rushed. Your expectations are too high, I cannot follow up.

And though you wanted to be a good friend to everybody, I can see your sweet effort 🙂

Despite you being rebellious, cranky at times, extreme and sporty, bitchy and easily frustrated,  you’re a good natured girl 🙂

Thanks for trying to fit in, but I guess I’m not cut out to be your ‘best’ friend.

You need someone who is tougher. Like you said, you want a close guy-friend. A guy who is stronger to protect you, and willing to love you no matter what.

 

So I shall stop relating to her now 🙂 Give myself a break. Assignments to catch up, shall do them all tomorrow afternoon 🙂

 

As for QAD, I know I kind of annoyed you with my contradicting decisions. Sincerely hope for your forgiveness, I’m just blur after taking my medicine. The initial plan, was to give laode a surprise by turning up without notice.

But nobody can predict when an illness befalls. I can understand how disappointing it is, to receive little response for a hearty, grand birthday celebration.  21st is important. But honestly writing, even if I do not attend this chalet tomorrow, I will never regret it.

The love and care I gave, the efforts I put in, everything I’ve done for you. Is it not enough? All along I cherished laode as a friend, and ‘family member’ like what he wrote in my class graduation gift card. Every single day I have not regretted doing anything for him:) Trying my best to give unconditional attention and love. What I got in the end, is get stuck in between your selfishness and expectation.

You expected me to attend. yes, I expected myself to as well. Because spending time together on a birthday party is meaningful and happy. But important as it is, there is no way I can .. . You see, I am going to your chalet tomorrow, carrying all my disease, flu and fever with my mum.

I hope it’s not contagious enough to spread to your other friends. And ching gets so upset with me because I fall ill. The first thing that came to her mind, is not that I am ill, wishing me to get well soon, or asking me to go home and rest. BUT TO REPRIMAND ME, because I could not turn up tomorrow for this special event. I am doing my assignment: Food Diary. I have to weigh every single food I ate and note it down in my diary for a period of three days. And tomorrow is my last day of doing so.

I thought I would have fun, I miss having fun with my beloved QAD and laode. You think I am that evil to forsake my friends?!

No way, even if I am left with half of my life, I got cancer and is dying whatever ,I will attend. I will drag my body and go there, sit down and stare at you. I will wish you happy birthday and smile. I will do everything you expect me to. And if this is what friendship means to you, then so be it.

Devastating to know that years spent with love, only ends with heartache. Expectation kills relationship. It really does.

 

 

 

8 Out of 40

My 10% quiz suck deep shit sighhh

There goes my ten percent of biochemistry. Everything is fine so far except this module.

I got a zero in part b of the paper by not citing references in text. I guess because nutrition students need to do write-ups more frequently than engineers or any other scientists. Our essays requirements are tokgong! ):

But still i felt relieved because it is 10% not 40% :/

Also, i have nit been participating actively in class discussion. Though ching ignores me at times, natalie is willing to guide me, trying to engage me. I really appreciate that 🙂

Because back then when ching issued me the yellow card, she told me to not make her laugh anymore because she wanted to emo.

End up, i the emoest kid now. Qad and laode wouldnt do this ): now im really the most sorrowful person on earth because she requested it. And she’s still in the stage of missing her ex. Idk how to console her. Anyways i am not doing myself a favour by delibrately feeling down.

Because she us scoring 80and above for all subjects and im scoring 40& below for most. Being caring is not suppose to be a sacrifice. And blame it on myself for not concentrating and studying well.

if she dont appreciate what you did for her, then please leave this friend aone, do her a favour. Dont let her take away your laughter and replace them with negative thoughts. She’s just like your mother. Remember? Haha guess overall, aquarius is too heavy for libraaaa.

Hope lainy is happy! Happy birthday in advance! I most probably cannot attend your chalet sorry 😡 i dont think i can go there and be happy for u but face ur clique, my ex clique yeaaa.

Also pardon me laode, i felt guilty. Cause i am sooo officially not able to go ur chalet coming saturday. I think i will feel hungry the whole night. But my test are getting zeros.
And Qad is soooooo busy i love her so much 😡 kind of contradicting hahaha. Yeaaa, Qad&me, we are the best! Mushies loves xoxo yuck! I think i 恶到自己. We could not make it in time, i guess. The time is not right 😦 shall we celebrate for u after two years, we can do that manymany times! Trololol

All the best! 老人家,happy most wonderful 21st birthday in advance 🙂

Once in a while

I wonder how i always do pick myself up after ordeals coming again&again towards me. Trampling on my faith and pride. id admit that i felt upset. Upset over my laziness, because i have never sat down to revise my work afterall. Only managing my tons of assignments, socializing, catch drama, thinking to maple, fall sick&sleep. But why am i fluctuating? Today’s presentation was fine.. .talked to zephy for an hour plus. Thanks for not giving up on me imaginary friend :/ I needed the chat. I needed the narcissists optimistic power. Really haha!

Ahboysto men

Watched this with great enthusiasism with laode and ching.

The watercress soup joke was hilarious! As expected the flowers plucking helmet was the ultimade joke last night. I couldnt stop laughing!

Fallen aslp.. . .snores

Pats

Yujia gave me a pat this morning walking by south canteen, while i was drinking my porridge with eyes closed. Then jan walked past the same route again after some ten minutes. I bet i looked tired, she was telling me to sleep well.

  Im very happy this morning two angels bestowed encojragement and faith in mee.
I was tired, but i did slept well last night! Think i will sleep longer tmr during deeeeeepavali hahaaha

Happy kid signing off!

Under-estimation

This is kind of the first time i came upon.sucha problem. Hahaha Sidetrack a bit, i hope my beautiful Qad is coping well and concentrating in her work, working out at her best! Because this is the reason why she started out for university, isnt it? 🙂 gambateeh! Back to my wonderful weekends spent with my cheeky kids at merah. We ate lunch as usual every sunday, chicken riice! And had fun watching baking-king korean drama, like a marathorn from friday to sunday! Woohooo! Squeeze em*~ I have certainly underestimate my importance and ching’s feelings towards me. Just one month, i received my first yellow card. I think i somehow pangseh her once during lunch, i went solo to get my stuff done. And she ate pancake aloooooooone. My insensitivity once again commit a crime i cannot repay. First time in my life, someone tells me to not always make her laugh. She felt out of place, losing her sense of identity. And told me she needed to vent, to let out her frustrations, stress or negative feelings by crying to balance out herself. I used to have a similar mindset, however soon i came to a conclusion that it is always better to laugh it out than to chose the emo way out. Because not only will u get addicted to a certain kind of sadness, u re used to putting ur mood down, just so that u feel more ‘human’. I would not describe more because i have to protect her interest and not reveal too much of her. So that i can come to a conclusion fast too ;x haha All in all, only till few years ago then i started to fully appreciate happiness and the effects of laughter medicine. That by staying emotional, filling sadness for a minute, i lose 60seconds of happiness. I deserves to be happy. Really happy:) It is exactly the same as trying to protect those aroud u. It is okay to be sad at times. But dont feel obliged to be part of the emotion cycle and intentionally let urself feel down to balance it all out. Just like being in a relationship or marriage. I bet if u keep telling ur spouse to not make u laugh. U need to cry. I think the after effect would be disastrous. Handle own emotions with care. With care:) I wish ching great luck! And herself, her mind and soul to ettle. In God love, i pray for people ard my, my loved ones. And cya laode tmr!

So far so good

The very first full marks was just pure luck.

But i love how people guessed imma 4.0gpa scholar when in fact i am a 3.0.

Subsequently, i failed my genetic assignment. And got a 62 in my stats.

Still a slow learner and fast doer.
if not a fast learner and slow doer. I cant seem to balance it out.

Hope Qad is doing well 😀

As expected in sch, ching brought me apples for breakfast and chopped my nails for me. On a bright side, ive got myself a personal groomer.

Bad is that, i get too dependent & well, she is printing all my notes. i guess she’s one permanent PA. Not to take her for granted though. Thanksthaaaanks :F

Life s great. Hanging out in smaller groups due to projects&assignments. If not, SOLO is the key. I wonder if i can pass thru this stage, but i will try my best, enjoy and have fun though.

So far

So good!

Green shorts

Today is friiiiiday! Very excited to see my dearest Qad later! Today is genetics day. Not long after we had our quiz which brings my confidence dwn by a lot yesterday, we got this bioinformatics session in class about Dna and proteins translation. Before we have this tday during afternoon, me and ching came back frm our one hour break, strolling into the class. she bought me subway breakfast drink! Damn sweet, but also because she didnt like it haha! Ching no. two called out to me asking if i have found a partner from my tutor group to form pairs with me for our global challenges module. Presentation for five minutes haha. I told her nope, not yet, trying hard to smile until.. . She said.. .lestor is finding a partner. Immediate reaction from me was to shake head as i walk off back to my seat with my signature ultimate poker face! When i sat dwn, resting my butt into my cosy chair, somebody called my name. And innate response from me was to shout back a reply. YES! Sitting at the other end of the same row, his head poked out of somewhere and say ; “you re my partner yea!” Followed by: 我们是注定的, 你跑不掉了。因为我们的group只剩下你和我。 *stands up facing the class* 我是不是也要穿蓝色衣服和青色裤子? Then i hear evania saying ouh! Friday couple wear! Ching was laughing! The whole class roar with laughter! Why am i always the one to get tease in class. Thruout my life! Grrr argh! So this the result of not finding a partner early uh! And whats with my OUTFIT ): 就是怕他的执着和搞怪的性子,才会回避三分。怎么知道人算不如天算!班上的男生少到没有, 到最后还是。。 。╮(╯_╰)╭ I love my green pants okay! 😀 Enough bout him and the class. Ive got enough work to dooooo. And i freaking love doing work weee! Ching got me a bowl of chicken rice soup cause i dont really know how to hamdle hot soup. Signs of clumsyness sigh.. . And she ask me if i misses her, and if we could study tgther somehow next wednesday. She says dont know what to do if i am not with her. But seriously, i should be the one saying that! Hahaha. And our “couple wear” didnt manage to get a candid shot today. We re always in blue and pink, playing alternates. Totally awesome! Hope my class is doing well yoooo. And thanks laode’s phonecall yesterday straight after he seen my twitter post. I am not someone who is easily defeated! I will work harder thaaanks! 🙂 The stats pract homework yesterday drive me and ching crazy, but we re laughing all the time! She says she is really happy from the bottom of her heart. And i am glad:) Because true happiness are hard to come by yeaaa. Hope laode gastric is fine! If not, curtains close! I will water my greeny plants and kiss them tonight! And wear my green pants more often from now on! ∩__∩