Happy mood! Though its raining gloomy dark sky because of the heavy downpour! However.. .

We are the first and fastest group to finish our practical today! Reminds me of my dear 5 lab mates back in nyp times.

We ruled our chemical class! Baking second batch of toritos in 15minutes time because our first batch came up chaotah. And how we complete one task and another, rushing to come out with the most sincere report ever -heart treatment weee

Now my lab mates are clarice, anna and natalie! We’re fast and steady too! As of today. So im extremely pleased and happy to go home on time!

Tday, laode will be eating dinner with me and mummy shall be the cook! So i can focus on my test tomorrow! Jiayou my classmates& myself, all the best!

Happiest lab kid on earth!




所以一时冲动,犯下了大忌。 千不该万不该告诉你其实我还没有办法释怀  。
不过,既然说了,就不会后悔。 只是下不为例!不想在害人害己!因果呀!

其实,一路以来,我都和亲爱的一样,跟老的那班朋友,不是很融洽。 不过我还是很愿意被邀请参加他们的聚会。

因为我明白,深信天下无难事,只怕有心人。 更何况他们在与我无话题, 不常打交道, 老的朋友永远都是我朋友 ↖(^ω^)↗

很开心有好的东西吃,不怕饿着。有欢笑,不怕闷,有陪伴,不怕寂寞,有爱惜,有欢乐。 有麻将 ↖(^ω^)↗

在他们身上, 何尝不是看到了当年的八个人。快乐的笑容, 融化了一切艰辛,不安和恶魔。

我很幸运, 可以跟三个寿星一起并肩走。意识到真正的幸福来自于抱着感恩的心态看世界。 虽然早餐吃的很辛苦,明明说好一起吃,一起睡。 结果做到了 哈哈哈哈哈哈!

有些事我就不解释啦,不想在再掩饰感情才选择坦白,不想婆妈才努力争取,换来的下场还是一个样。 从老的身上和他的经历, 难道还不够证明我其实是没有办法以一个人的力量, 用爱来说服他人。你追我,我追你, 打从一开始,就只可以是一场游戏。



Still a better love story than Twilight



Watched these movie while growing up. Though I don’t belong to the Twilight era,

still, love is exaggerated on shows. And I know why, because sometimes,

it is really so in real. Hatred born out of love. And I strongly believed that it is the only solution to all problems on earth.

Maybe beyond that, see what Mother Teresa says:

” I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.”


“Love begins by taking care of the closest ones – the ones at home.”

This is also what I always tell my friends or people around me without fail. Isn’t it? *Touched*

Thanks God 🙂

Who taught me love so much as to care, and to give. And those angels he sent by my side. .


Praying for QAD, for her heart to settle, not fluster, to calm, to love, for her soul to rest, not to be anxious, frustrated.

I know Lord does it best than anybody else. I hope one day, she too turns to you, looking up, knowing you’re her comfort.

Every time she feels sad, I hope QAD imagines a huge big palm she’s sitting on. And it belongs to the Lord.


He will hold on to her, be faithful forever. Love is in abundance, one day, everybody will come to know.

大手牵着小手的温暖, 其实我们真的可以拥有这么简单的幸福。 就可以这样!


R.I.his love We love him, because he first loved us. Falling aslp.. .hope laode can pick himself up soon. God please heal him;) And im nt sure why when ching attitude me, i was too insensitive to catch it. A blessing in disguise perhaps? Caused her to facepalm real hard haha! Many assignments to catch up yoooo. And practical reports coming in. I love the rush:) Studying is my life, partying too! Enjoy life before i make it out there struggling with work for the rest of my life. Seeking God& his words. Feeling comfort& inner peace. Joy & no stress. Full marks for my biochem quiz. Thanks LORD, and myself. Great job! Give myself a pat&sayaaaang:) Cuddle myself heeee


Taken frm twitter.. . When forced to endure a fractious environment, #Libras lose ability to think or function efficiently. after my friday outing with ching to the forest walk frm hortpark to harbourfront mrt, saturday i went to a talk with elsa. Guess im too shag.

Always signed the documents before i knw what i want&whats best for me. I know that i am not financially stable, &university can be a burden to my fam. The furthest i can go is actually poly. Now that im sponsored to do my degree in two years. I should use my time 100% in it alone.

Yes boosting up my portfolio is great, able to earn the extra money sounds appealing. Able to own a car in early twenties, travel incentives & all seems nice&cool! But i am sure i dont belong to such a category, i knw its acheivable.

Testimonials&all. But isnt it like the working of church? Not all people can concentrate into one religion. And since only 5% of the people did network marketing, what makes me think that its really low risk? It is just low risk as compared to other business types. Ive experienced many mlm issues thruout the first 20years of my life. Relatives doing it& lots of my friends tried&quitted.

I hope i performed critical thinking and made my stand in this. I am very much certained that i am not suitable to do business like this. Sincerely grateful for all the persuasion and effort, high hopes placed on me. And all the handshakes. And money. I dont want to chase around money though i needed it to survive. I want to be happy.

When i ask about hw to juggle work and studies at the same time whilst achieving a first class hons. What i get as a reply is.. .just like how u juggle kids, work&stress in adult life. Yesyes who dont prefer fast money&being a millionaire blahblah

But to do business, u must have a market pool. I dont have one. 40Plus bucks for few masks, 120 for a whole set of clinically tested skincare products is affordable&cheap as compared to retail sk II! As much as people always got acne outbreaks, i dont have friends who are willing to spend these money on skincare. Maybe i do, butnt many. And i dont have the time. Socialising needs time. How would i nt knw that? I spent 10years of my 20 to socialize.

Meaning i would most probably cut dwn my uni year two to do this. I really given this serious thoughts& chose to not do it. I must be strong in my stand& be very skeptical. Whatever mlm comes in my way, i will reject the offer, refuse to commit and never get involve. It is not like i never try before. They say dont believe the forums, because people who failed gave negative comments.i didnt even attempt to read any.

何蕙杏!耳朵不要轻,不是什么都可以听进去。要脚踏实地,不要因缺钱而害了自己大好前途 😀

Hours break

Having a four hours break now. Slacking in the library reading cook books. now typing this post while charging my phone over south wing.

Sitting in this newly furnished place before hotspot cafe, under the brightly well lit articial ambience, on this fluffy sofa just in front of the stage piano.

Lock eye contact with a caucasian guy, seems like a cutie if i looked at him base on xin’s top criteria standard discrimination. Weeee! Haa

What i like is he politely sat at the other end of the dark coloured sofa reading his own book. And what i dont quite enjoy, on the other hand is. He kept moving in towards me. Sitting nearer and nearer, shifting his weight all the time, i was taking down down recipes& modifying them on my own piece if paper.

I managed to finish up the whole book resting&breathing with the rhythm of the piano tune yaaaay someone was playing it all the time.

Lifting my butt off the comfy seat, jog on the spot.. .haha no way! Just walking briskly until u drop off my reads on the shelves before i reach this place to charge my phone.

There goes my eye candy i suppose. Byyyeee. Should have plant a wet kiss on his cheeks. Haaa! Definitely joking!

Last night was chit chatting “happily” with laode i assume. 1hour plusplusplus of phonecall frm pioneer to boonlay. And i slept right after that.

Glad today’s quiz is fairly doable, if not it will be real bad. A scholar failing her first quiz because she only revise during lectures!

I used whatever images i have& my understanding in class to apply to this test. Best of all is that it only accounts to 2.5 percent of the whole module.

Recently ive been scaring myself & ching by being the blurest person in class. I told her my pho e is lost when i am holding on to it on the other hand, so not used to using phone to check emails&dwnload files frm blackboard, i cannot see my phone as a phone anymore.

And i go to wrong lectures, got chase out by my seniors, got many minor details off because i lost my secretary ): the only thing i can rmb by far are the lectures, losing common sense every single minute like running sand in a timer.

Lucky me, ching decides to take up the job. Now she’s the one who prints all my notes& journals, even helping me to label them, putting things in modules& reminding me the deadlines&what i should read on, how i must manage my time etc… .blahblah.

Very capable hands i am in right now. Thanks God! 😀

Am now in a different dimension of time, relaxing in my very own sphere,chillin& making ching stress. Muwahaha

She’s doing two person job, highly intelligent and perfectionist. Made notes for all modules, rushing me to use my time wisely.

I rmb the first time we went shopping like crazies, she got real high. We both got much to learn frm each other in the aspects of social and physical.

Like she jogs daily to release endorphines, and gain stable heart beats. For me, i eat tons of food a day& stores excess energy in my adipose tissues.

She lives sedentary lifestyle by making origamy her hobby. Me, i love hortpark as my ideal homeee.

Best of all, we re strong in diff areas of personality&hence we fight, guide and chew each others’ heads off. I knw she loveeeeee spiders. So this subsequently became my forte.. .and my beloved pet.

Muwahahahaha..  happy halloween! Starting frm this second!

Cupcakes with candle

As simple as i thought it would be. I am happy and contended with the wonderful meal at Sentosa malaysia food street, the relaxing beach walk, touching k session with two of my wonderful friends. I love my Qad&laode, thanks for giving me the time, celebrating my birthday in advance despite the hectic&tight schedules.

The banner Qad made for me, i am suppose to laminate and put it up soon. I really love the freaky 72legged sea creature Qad bought for meee. Because out of a hundred species of pets i had previously, this one tops the list of being the most exotic pet ever.

I will start rearing it for my meals soon.. . Muwahaha. BBQ style or grillls.. .hmms
Thanks laode for the trophy, though i did thought of putting it away under my bed.. .haha! Lucky u didnt buy the best singer one, i dont sing well though, off tune opps! Shhh a secret revealed partially. But i like the butt of the trophy thanks uh!

I hope its not that expensive especially the ancient pet, because it concerns lives haha.

I appreciate the effort& though it is no surprise cause i kinda refuse to cooperate. And i made things difficult for u both sooooo.. .

What i loved most is the cupcakes. I always had slices of cakes frm my own& others birthday. I got a full one strawberry chocolate on my first, a tiramisu slice on my second, swensens ice cream flavour mix on my third, &nw cupcakes. Very much variety of dessert on my bdays.

I like how i have one candle fr my 20th. Save the environment.. .haha & i felt younger srsly. It taste sweet creamy & soft enough to not get sick of it.

I made an impossible wish. But i still hope for a miracle to happen. I would like to pray for my friends, their well being& my maturity.

Especially Qad who had an upset stomach after the meal tday, hope she rest well& nt get so stress. And laode who just recovered from his viral infectious fever. We ended early 7plus tday. Hope we all rest well, sleep tight and dream of having fluffy cupcakes again.. .

Count those stars

Not sure if it sparkles in the sky like i used to watch it w Mz,or above my head because i wasnt feeling quite well.

Went out w ching to soupspoon bugis tday w/o mingyang. Guess its fate heeee we get to have fun because she bcmes spontaneous&decides to open up to me.

I guess i am happy since i laugh out loud most of the time. We got tired & decided to go home after i accompanied her to 拜拜上香。

we talked all the way home on train.Reached home about 5 plus 6. Watched tv program until now. Feeling numb. Received a call frm ching asking some questions on chemistry. Helped her all i can befre returning to bed.

This is probably a recount post without reflective thinking i guess.
Qad told me tomorrow we re going to sing k& going sentosa afterwards. I thought it will be a simple dinner since everybody is busy& i sincerely hope they are well.

But Qad wrote on fb she is not feeling well, how can i go ahead & packed her day like this? I dont expect much, since i had clique in my poly years. My birthday was kinda the most simplest & happy day. I am grateful ive got friends. Just a dinner will do is what i said.

I am starting to love school& i feel no stress currently so far, though ching broke dwn into a puddle of tears few times in class. I was there for her i guess.

Mingyang told me he gotten caleb a birthday present. I felt like i should be the one buying one for him. I owed him some time&effort.

3 days left to 20. My deformed uterus. Will it bleed for me?

Tearing as i type, yet i dont know why. John was right, i need to wash my heart regularly. This is self maintenance, a way to keep myself alive.

I thanks God for being there for me.
Crazymaster is back to cheer me up. I appreciate that:) really.

没有什么好难过的,但还是忍不住委屈的侵略,热到烫伤心胸的眼泪直流。 。。
我。。 。怎么了?

Initially i wanted to delete people from my life, but i cant do that. I have to live with my mistakes&my everything. Better is that i dont have to put up a front because it doesnt & would never ever help me feel better.

I got tons of assignments. Sunday, pap would be having dinner with fam. I’ m glad i still have a somehow blissful reunion with my blood mates.

Life is god, i cant feel my fingers as i poke my keypad all the way with a finger. My phone hanged sometimes but i still love it so much. My first smartphone when im 19.

I dont have any fanciful dress for tomorrow’s event. Think i will just settle w shorts. &hope it wont rain tomorrow though it seems like the monsoon is coming.

Dance in the rain baby.. . Dance.
Everytime i search for Mz’s updates on twitter or fb, i felt guilty&sorry. I kept thinking i have to do sth. My devil says i have to play a part in his current state. I am not listening anymore. I can live without him, he can without me& we will never be friends.

Thats why i always say friendzone is actually the meaning of departure. Being strangers again. There is no way two person can be reverted back to friends after some feelings developed especially when i am certain its love instead of like.

And i remember myself saying i wish to give up my thoughts on j. I cant say absolutely i did it. But in the least i manage to keep myself away. I had never tried to look at his fb before, not even once.

Because i know. I am just like doreen or jiaxin. Fellow libras, its either a love or hate relationship. Or slashing myself. And i knw if i pester my heart&brain with his images, i will die mentally. This is also why i hate taking photos with him. Or anybody i love. Because i knw nothing last on earth. Not even memories.

But scars are forever, no. Until i turned to ashes.

Cm says there is this vegetarian jap restaurant in sg.. .
Our topic is so critics into eating foooooodies. Haaa
Never fails to fatten me up.

Ohyar. The lakeside family centre gave mamee two leftovers 2012 National day tote bags tday morning. How naise of them! Thanksthanks.

There are loads of freebies in it. I am happy kid! I am glad diff ppl come into my life & gave me happiness at individual moments. That thought cheers me up, rather than missing somebody who isnt going to be mine forever.

I thought of digging out my heart & use an eraser on it. Or correction tape, maybe staple.. .to halt my throbbing heart from spilling all the excess love& affection for the blackie a.ka black idiot.

I am trying.. .still trying.. .sigh..

Unleash the Devil

I dont know if i made the right choice to tell ching bout my the other existence form. But maybe i hope someone would at least knw if i went mad shouting, scratching, pounding at human beings. Yeaaaaa, i mean it. The animal side of me, i dont know. I call my devil soul fox spirit. i do daring incredible things to people because i got that side of mee. Mz used to tell me to embrace my wicked nature because he loved me for who i am. And remind me i am a natural, i dont have to suppress those devils within me. But i am so afraid one day i will destroy myself & those i love because i am attention craving. And i Yearn, i demand for whatever i need or want mercilessly from innocent souls. I kind of suck the essence out of pure& sweet people like bees to nectar. My huge appetite and this dominant evil spirit will never cease as long as im alive. I really feel like staying away from ppl at times so that i wont hurt them intentionally or not. I dont want to hurt J either. Ive been pestering him for days. What am i doing ): Obviously i am not following my heart! Im just satisfying my desire&curiosity. And like ching said, i am extremely dangerous. These few days not only she saw my horns, but now i think she saw my tail too. Sigh . .. Qad got bitten many times, this is why i urge her to seek anchor before any relaspe from me. They say once bitten, twice shy. But Qad is very brave, she fought with my bad side and won. Maybe this is also why laode taught me values& discipline me, curbing my dark side. While caleb took time to console me&help me find the real me. J preach about taking care&loving myself more to practice self control. If not.. . My devil will come & take me again. gosh, i was so lost, i missed 6 stations until i was back in yew tee again! I realise my devil side is damn prominent when i am near to some people.. .like 坏人 who used to be 好人。 or when im with my fellow libra mates. I tend to lose myself. Overly concentrated qualities i guess. What am i thinking all the time aaarrgghh! Am i born with such a biatch in me, or it come& posess me because i was somehow vulnerable. Satan please gooo awaaaaay. I dont want to start talking to mirror again nor creeping myself out by divulging my deepest secrets & immerse myself in the burning hell, bathing naked in the fire. Wheres water.. .and my blanket! My dreams shattered once when i found out her existence. I dont want history to repeat. And she is in me. I am her. Damn it. During lessons tday, i was in a complete daze thinking of undesirable consequences. I was jailed once, for being selfish, needy&greedy. I needed a release. And i thought ive done that. So what is wrong now. Are u looking for another victim? NO Your target, my target cannot be him. Ahhhh Can i die with her? I hate my sense of urgency. I cant feel my fingers as i type this post on my android. I hate my daringness. The way i approach my subject of interest. The way i fool around, joking about relationships most of the time. I am so superficial. So shallow. I hope i can keep my viscous soul to myself untill few weeks later. Once he gets into NS, there is no way i can get to him. And he’ll be safe & sound from me.. . There is no way out. I have to lock myself in the closet. Before i abuse or torture, before i become deadly again.. . Before i bite deep imprinting my marks on innocent souls again. Self isolation starts now!

My Will

Talked to the bad guy for the whole night& realise just how naive can i be.

Of course! What a gemini would always say after a breakup was to know more friends because that is their life motto just like budd’s.

Last night i camped tonning with Qad in her bedroom to wee hours reading journals after articles while she battle with het completion of practical report.

Seems like the bad guy friendzoned me totally, & i dont know why suddenly i feel.. .

Damn elated. Like as if i vegrown taller in a few centimetres weeee!

I love how everything becomes simple again. And there will be only pure friendship instead of fights and flirtings hanging ard.

Really, i should start considering living just for myself, not for anybody in the past nor future.
My self confidence, everything great in me drained after i fell in love with someone who is not “right” like what the bad guy said.

坏人说的话原来还蛮有道理的 哈。。 。

I will stop pestering my past& annoy the future. I will not hold on to anything stupid. Being stubborn is not effective nor efficient.

I will love only those who loves me. I dont need more friends somehow ive got a few i treasured. I will do better than expected. I will not try ways and means to get anybody back because nobody belongs to me in the first place. Everything borrowed must be returned.

The best way to let go is to do the opposites of holding on. I will not dig a hole in the ground and keep digging anymore. I will throw away everything that is related to someone else but me.

I will live well & be contended with what i have. I will find myself back. The girl with humour, charisma, & faith.

I will sleep on a pillow from now on and not the other way round. I will stop staring into spaces, i will hug Qad for an hour long in the middle of orchard road & be on tv.

I want the most daring me back. I dont want anybody back except me&myself.

I will love everyone i see equally. I will sit myself in the kitchen cooking my fav food again. I will start watching spongebob on okto which is what i am doing now.

I will do according to my wills. Because i am the best! 🙂