Not sure if it sparkles in the sky like i used to watch it w Mz,or above my head because i wasnt feeling quite well.
Went out w ching to soupspoon bugis tday w/o mingyang. Guess its fate heeee we get to have fun because she bcmes spontaneous&decides to open up to me.
I guess i am happy since i laugh out loud most of the time. We got tired & decided to go home after i accompanied her to 拜拜上香。
we talked all the way home on train.Reached home about 5 plus 6. Watched tv program until now. Feeling numb. Received a call frm ching asking some questions on chemistry. Helped her all i can befre returning to bed.
This is probably a recount post without reflective thinking i guess.
Qad told me tomorrow we re going to sing k& going sentosa afterwards. I thought it will be a simple dinner since everybody is busy& i sincerely hope they are well.
But Qad wrote on fb she is not feeling well, how can i go ahead & packed her day like this? I dont expect much, since i had clique in my poly years. My birthday was kinda the most simplest & happy day. I am grateful ive got friends. Just a dinner will do is what i said.
I am starting to love school& i feel no stress currently so far, though ching broke dwn into a puddle of tears few times in class. I was there for her i guess.
Mingyang told me he gotten caleb a birthday present. I felt like i should be the one buying one for him. I owed him some time&effort.
3 days left to 20. My deformed uterus. Will it bleed for me?
Tearing as i type, yet i dont know why. John was right, i need to wash my heart regularly. This is self maintenance, a way to keep myself alive.
I thanks God for being there for me.
Crazymaster is back to cheer me up. I appreciate that:) really.
Initially i wanted to delete people from my life, but i cant do that. I have to live with my mistakes&my everything. Better is that i dont have to put up a front because it doesnt & would never ever help me feel better.
I got tons of assignments. Sunday, pap would be having dinner with fam. I’ m glad i still have a somehow blissful reunion with my blood mates.
Life is god, i cant feel my fingers as i poke my keypad all the way with a finger. My phone hanged sometimes but i still love it so much. My first smartphone when im 19.
I dont have any fanciful dress for tomorrow’s event. Think i will just settle w shorts. &hope it wont rain tomorrow though it seems like the monsoon is coming.
Dance in the rain baby.. . Dance.
Everytime i search for Mz’s updates on twitter or fb, i felt guilty&sorry. I kept thinking i have to do sth. My devil says i have to play a part in his current state. I am not listening anymore. I can live without him, he can without me& we will never be friends.
Thats why i always say friendzone is actually the meaning of departure. Being strangers again. There is no way two person can be reverted back to friends after some feelings developed especially when i am certain its love instead of like.
And i remember myself saying i wish to give up my thoughts on j. I cant say absolutely i did it. But in the least i manage to keep myself away. I had never tried to look at his fb before, not even once.
Because i know. I am just like doreen or jiaxin. Fellow libras, its either a love or hate relationship. Or slashing myself. And i knw if i pester my heart&brain with his images, i will die mentally. This is also why i hate taking photos with him. Or anybody i love. Because i knw nothing last on earth. Not even memories.
But scars are forever, no. Until i turned to ashes.
Cm says there is this vegetarian jap restaurant in sg.. .
Our topic is so critics into eating foooooodies. Haaa
Never fails to fatten me up.
Ohyar. The lakeside family centre gave mamee two leftovers 2012 National day tote bags tday morning. How naise of them! Thanksthanks.
There are loads of freebies in it. I am happy kid! I am glad diff ppl come into my life & gave me happiness at individual moments. That thought cheers me up, rather than missing somebody who isnt going to be mine forever.
I thought of digging out my heart & use an eraser on it. Or correction tape, maybe staple.. .to halt my throbbing heart from spilling all the excess love& affection for the blackie a.ka black idiot.
I am trying.. .still trying.. .sigh..