聊到通宵

不是第一次了, 我和亲爱的躲在家楼下的游乐场说起悄悄话。

怎知越笑越大声。昨晚的开心笑脸还历历在目。心底伐起了许多温暖。非常感谢她的陪伴。就像是在倒数着中秋的到来。 好感动!:-)

这次虽然少了气氛, 少了蜡烛,灯笼和月饼。 但是我过了其中幸福的一晚。

希望我们友情好比月圆, 更融洽,更快乐。 我很感恩。

特别是对老人家。 我们家老的要加油!!加很多桶油!这样才可以跟我一样杀!哈哈哈哈哈哈

明天将会是偶正式上的第一堂课, 偶祈祷一切会有如想象中美满,有意义。

千万不能再浪费时间, 陶醉在他给过我的梦境。

这只是一个新的开始, 要把握这两年可以发挥所长的机会,努力学习,加油 ↖(^ω^)↗ 万岁!

而把其余的埋进心底最深处。我回不去了。现在只剩下回忆。而这次, 我真的在为自己的未来打拼。 感谢爱我的人!

我也爱你们!

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Perspire midnight

At yew tee mrt station now. Really grateful for what laode had done for me &ching.

I mean where can i find a friend like uuuu. A blessing really. Hope ching feels better deep down.

Well, mingyang changed alot! He sounded more serious & sensible nw. Thanks God! Also i wish i can plan for eh outing for my clique once again as a whole.

Hope i can make it somehow!

Tday i knw a neeew friend! It is so miraculously wonderful i want to thank everybody i see in sch. A thorough blessing &thanks lord!

Peiching shares the same surname as me, she worked in takasago before as a temp& hence able to recognise most of my colleagues. We worked in the same lab diff timing!

Best of all, she stays at blk 187. Guess what? Yesyesyes. We can go to sch tgther for two damn years starting next monday.

This is a huge gift to me. She’s cool! &i got to knw more ppl after the games&me dancing gangnam style to forfeits.

I really am so happy&happy tday! Only that it seems to be the opposite for ching. She reach home late& laode was worried she got thrown out of the hse somehow soooo we accompany her instead.

Hope she feels better afer a bath or sth. I just realise gps are cool installs in android! I kind of directed the taxi route, damn exciting… .

Damn tired, think i will sleep until i get to see Qad tomorrow. And hope laode gets home in time. Prayers.

Dote

The older i get, the more it dawns on me that i was a particularly doted individual.

Of course what i am trying to clarify here is not like i am somebody who openly craves for a male’s touch or being the teachers’ pet.

Lets put it this way, im the making love style. Haaaaa not the sexual type though, but sensual.

Since birth, may be due to me being the first kid in my family, i was the most attention catching child in my entire family even among friends. I bet i look cute, because i was already very self concious by the time i reach kindergarden age.

Base on the picture evidences, i had millions of ingrained poses in me, like a model but i rmb none by today.
That was before i changed my name.

It really did have an impact in me, i became less demure, less bitchy, more bold and reddish, less frequent visits to the hospital, but more to clinics. Does grown taller counts? Ouh that should credit to my genes,not name haaaa

I always find my life a drama. Its so dramatic i thought it only happens in movies. But yet i face them all. Its so damn happening!

Put those bad experiences aside, we all have ups and downs in our lives. Today, im up and up only.

First and foremost, i want to say a big and wonderful thank you so much message to those who treated me right, allow me to be a part of their lives. Thank#sssssssssss.. .

I will just use initials here, so it will be more obvious who is who haha!

JR. He is indeed one day younger than me, and kinda the first guy who ever taught me the art of gift.
The penguin soft toy and bouquet of flowers under my desk are lost by naaaaaaw. My apologies & i really love it. I was so damn excited i showed it to my mummy, remembering back then i did so while she is hanging clothes out to dry not listening.

AN. She’s really from heaven. Because of her, i learned how close a relationship can happen between two girls. And how jealousy kills, damn kills me frm inside out until i lost her on my birthday 2004. She will be coming back in a few years time.

JO. This vicious girl at the same tie also the most fragile girl i ‘ ve ever known so far. On the surface, she spit in me with vulgarities, yet able to win Over my sympathy in the end. she taught me to never judge a person by her actions 100 percent.

JOY. The girl whose bicycle i fell from after a monopoly game at her house. She taught me how to give it all to have a try and be brave despite me developing the phobia of cycling after that.

JOES. the guy who i remember staying back in sch with me to arramge the chairs told me who he fancy. When i fell frm a bike, he treated my pain and helpEd me to move on. Later on, he went out with one of my gf but failed. Now a boyfriend of my cca mate for 6 years.

The two seniors if mine back in bvps i forgot their names, thanks for the advice and guides and example of being a senior. Because when i am one myself. I became like them showing support to my juniors.

Thanks my playground mates, a dozen of them, and the pair if twins whi actually remembered me some time back ago, able to recognise my back view and my name.

Special thanks to the guy who is my companion for p1 orientation, who is so tall, ive never been able to see his face at all. Thanks for teaching me how to enjoy an ice cream during recess time.

LSY. Thanks for ignoring me for years and taught me how to wear a mask to defend myself whereas possible. Spending our time walking home every single day.

HH. Thanks for letting me listened to 5566 songs on the phone back then. and the long chats on the phone. and many more.

MAL. The first guy who taught me what us romancing. And how to play badminton like a bosssss. And the eat tomato & curry sauce daaay.

FAR. She ‘s my best neighbour ever. Borrowed a malay costume frm her on racial harmony. We run miles tgther. Last seen ard bukit batok years ago.

ZY. Who used to play computer while i listened to my songs sitting on the same chair. Whats so fun about battleton uh? Just monsters slahing each other with a metal stick.

BF. The guy whose tamaguChi was broken into half because if regina. And he inly wants back half if the original price as a compensation.

So many.. .gosh

HW&KL. Who stole my ez link card and given me fun, alsi threatens me for money. Ended up in principal’s office cause i reported it. Shook hands and thereafter.. .

I think i can never ever finish this ever. But great thanks to them all.

They all taught me much, and certainly doted me in their very owns ways.

Just like hw laode used to give me pats on my head, i really felt alright after the encouragements.

JU. Glad he never woo me in the end. Because i was glad he bonded with my family so well. A fun person to be with. And a great challenge because he’s always first in class and my target for me academically.

MZ. My ex who treated me like his goddess. Pampering, caressing, loving me ineveryway he can. And glad he ‘s my first love. I will never ever forget him ever.

J. This person is aan angel. I’m glad we connect on a spiritual level somehow. He has got this healing ability to cherish. He can heal people of their pain! He’s everything i wanted in my life and in a guy. But thanks God i walk away. Because he deserves so much better.

DA. Ching’s soon to be ex. i  got to thank him for making me realise how strong love is. Because he attempted to tease me and grope me in a way to make me feel loved again (thats what he said). And made me found out that love can never be replaced on any level. He failed but i learned sth new, or maybe i knw that all along. But his actions reassured me all the more.

Many guys appeared in my life more than i can imagine and made an impact so etched in my heart couldnt be washed away ever. Gratitudes and respect.

MY. Thanks for showing me in every aspect how determined a guy can be in going the extra mile for a person u love. also how a man can be overbearing, selfish, jealous, incorrigible because of greed, but yet still love a girl all the same. Thanks uh!

NEHNEH. Hold on. Why i thank my neh lol. For growing and growing non stop, so fat already. Just joking. Thanks for being there to remind me how magnificent i am.

CAL. U are a great guy. Thanks for the comfort and support. This tissue guy here is attached to one of my ex gf.

XIN. she was awesome. Totally awesome! She is me. I am her as simple as that. And complicated as it is. But we are one great pair. I want to thanks for for being herself. So that i can be myself.

MUMMY. She just called to say she wants to go out with me. But i was booked. A daughter should put her mummy her piority right? Thanks for calling, because i will be cming dwn later.

I realised i skipped all my sec sch ppl. Entire school. Because i have no space to squeeze in a thousand people.

Anyway. I will update when i have the time. My brain is so much faster than my fingers typing. So i may need a day time to finish.

All in all, thanks for doting me in all the ways. I appreciate that.

Precious

He is precious to me. Why.

Put things aside, ching decides to break up with her bf. And she wrote a lengthy message to show me. I felt horrible.

Because she really loves him and he cant give her stability or security. Two of the three S she expect her spouse to have. When i made her recite the marriage vows &imagine she have to say “i do”

She cant bring herself to do it. Great luck for that.

I think gohmingyang very big mouth to tell ching laode injured himself badly in camp. I mean laode called me saying he wanted me to keep this a low profile. And the speaker a tually used a mike grrr

Suddenly he wants to have dinner with ne, ching & Qad. Crazy!!

I miss Qad officially!! & laode too especially my new schoing environment made me emotional. I miss those time wben we school tgher. Everything was so perfect. Even missing my ex clique. The eight of us were the coolest! As compared to any clique i see in my new sch.

We have really good fate and chinese eight characters to be able to have so much fun and 默契!!!

I freaking love my polytechnic life. Its the friends, not the .. .actually is everything i love about NYP.

Tday was tedious, tiring and stressful day. I was isolated with ching because we could hardly socialise. and the lecturers were long winded, i was dreaming.. . ):

he is precious to me, and his love.. .

Block N

Thanks God and Mz for emphasizing the meaning of love tday.

Of course NYP rocks! NEWCASTLE too! The newly renovated library looks gorgeous! New stage with piano on it, integrated 3d map, expanded cafe area, more relaxing chairs. I’m so looking forward to tomorrow’s ice breaking with tutor class!

Also , SIT is rather thoughtful to bring us on a tour. I mean back then no library staff demo on borrowung books or booking research carrels.

I must stay upbeatly positive because i strive for excellence. That is my primary sch motto. Heeee

Soul got raped

She persuade me to go out with her bf. So that she knows if he is lying to her or if he has got motive.

Laode wrote her a compo of analysis to get her break up with him sn bcos he touched me. I felt dirty.

I did this bcos idw her to be hurt. But my effort was wasted because she still wants him in the end.

I mean do u even knw what u are fucking with my heart? I told u your boyfriend ask me out. I am not going. U told me to go because u needed to knw if he really is a bastard. I thought my sacrifice can save u frm the hurt u may receive in the future.

But u hardly care. U worry he fuck other girls, u felt disgusted when ur bf touched me. Molest me to be exact. And u still go out with him in the end because u nt love him, but u needed a man in ur life.

Then what do u take me for? Asking me and laode for help. Sending me to please ur boyfriend and get tgTher with him? u take me as a sex toy?

U are ugly. To think u still ask me if i can be ur best friend. I must be blind if i accept u.

If all u want is to be with him even if he rapes a girl. Then why me?! Why persuade me to sacrifice my body! To satisfy ur bf s appettite!

U are scary. Because u love ur face so much, u wont want many to know u only hang out with ur bf for a month, thats why u insist to hold on.
U only “love him ” because of his sweet words and body. U want his hug and everything. For the sake of body pleasure, u gave up ur soul for a guy his quality.

Fine.whatever. u can be touchy and touch him all u want. Ur boyfriend, a lover to all girls. U dont mind sharing, why not.

still, i lost that part of my soul, and brought back many memories of those bad guys out there.

If a guy touch u in public, please be cautious. Because even my ex never pda in mrt, or crowded areas at all with me. So i always feel that a guy must respect a girls body, especially his girlfriend.

And not criticise but appreciate. Be it any partners’ body or appearance.

Love, remember love. God, i seek u. I pray for the peacee.

哭着回家

很喜欢一个人走路回家

因为这个时候可以让忍久的眼泪奔放。

眼泪, 是属于大海吧。
真的很想一个人到海边走走。

把我的委屈都哭出来。

好累, 好傻, 好白痴。
人, 好毒,好伤, 好过分。

我害怕。真的很怕。
为什么。

何蕙杏, 你很杀耶!
真的很杀!!

为什么哭的得像个孩子?

你要坚强, 要很杀!
这世上, 任何人都不可以相信。

你什么都不是, 永远活在自己的世界。

你死了, 我可能会更开心。 。。

Start or pause

Will never try to invade his privacy again. Gonna stay far away from him.

I can understand the lost of certain feelings. And how it feels like to wait several years for somebody u desire.

I know things happens for a reason. And sometimes its not up to us to decide.

For now, being decisive is crucial. I decided to migrate. Migrate my heart to SIT. Be involved. Give it my all and my best shot starting tomorrow onwards.

And work hard for my UK trip. Newcastle upon tyne,mine to enjoy.

Also i leave the rest to God. He knows what is best for me. But i still pray for myself to fall out of love. And this time round. I want to be happier.

Sincerely happier and less annoying or invading. I decided to give him up. Apinky promise to myself. Thanks God i got two hands.