Hug

I want to give everybody around em a hug today:)

People need affirmation and encouragement right?

Esp QAD, shall see her some day.

She’s very not free recently. Her time becomes limited once there’re commitments involved.

And to think I didn’t know about her interview at all!

What am I doing uh? :/

But still hope she gets what she wants! And 10 years down the road, she’s happy regardless which path she had taken!

 

*Hug myself first*

730 Days

First, I want to tell my beloved friends.

Not to worry for me and J. Because I have no intention of getting him back for myself.

And so far there is no way I can be with him when I am not ready for a relationship.

I am sure I am not ready, rejecting every one who tried to woo me :/

Arigato! 🙂

 

Second,

I WILL MISS LAODE FOR THE FOLLOWING TWO YEARS:)

Deep inside me, I know he actually don’t feel good with me for going ahead without him. Right? haha

A part of him wished I kept my promise, while another hope I pursue my own dreams and goals on my own pace. 

To be frank, initially I was determined to wait for him to finish his NS before I start to plan for my Uni. But I heed J’s advice instead.

I decided not to tie myself knots by free-ing myself from the bond. A very bad way to explain this phenomenon is I ‘ll break my promise :/

Which is what I did in the end.

Though laode always say it is okay. It’s my life any way. But I know I’m at fault 😛

I can understand why he deleted his FB account,

I respect his decision made! And no matter what I will be there IF HE NEEDS ME ever 🙂

Provided he don’t [purposely avoid me or anything hahaha

 

One thing I hope he will not know forever is that,

He used to ask me if his head looks big, if you know what I mean.. .

to be frank, his head does look too big for his body. No pun intended.

HAHA

There were times we tolerated each other’s temper.

There were times he shouted at me. I bet I’m the first in history to make him ever so agitated or angry ):

I admit because I was too disrespectful, I forgotten where I stand. And maybe because I was too blur, so even if teaching me certain modules will make his blood boil. But I assure myself , those were great memories haha!

I’m so proud of myself HAHA

Want to thanks him for being such a patient person. I am not holding any grudge. Just reflecting myself and our past.

Of course he treated me very very well. Times when I did my FYP, J was nowhere to be found, and Laode actually spent his Saturday with me in the lab.

Times when I was annoying and irritating, pushing his lecture notes aside while we’re mugging for our final exams. Trying to distract him by making him play card games with me. And he did! What a way to de-stress :/

He never fails to surprise me, he really must know why is he that amazing, I mean I don’t call him the best guy I’ve ever known for nothing right?

And not to mention he treated my clique umpteenth times of meals thru-out these three years urging us to eat more -.- (One of the reasons I am THIS FAT)

Those love, care and concern he gave his friends. Ask his every friend, I believe they’ll agree with me 😀

Especially me, I am so damn grateful for all he’s done. My birthdays, glowing sticks, candles, cakes, those gifts (Never say die- Tortoise esp), and outings together. And buying presents for the rest, we attended birthday parties, chalet, bowling, pool, buffet, theme park, the haunted house HAHA, cable car, Hort park, Playground, Kbox, ECP, WCP, BP (Bishan Park is funny HAH),night cycling, and many more! except overseas (not yet! )

 When I say he’s my everything, please don’t get me wrong, I mean it! He took part in my life actively for the last three years, going 4 after next year April hahaha

And I will never regret keeping him as one of my besties till my last tooth drop. ( Maybe drop in 10 years times :/ )

Though QAD and him bickers a lot, and I’m always in the middle. But I love it! 🙂 I finally understand why I can never define our relationship. Because He’s like my brother (both younger and older), sometimes like me pap, a friend, classmate, an elderly ( HAHA), a soul-mate, everything except a boyfriend or husband. I am a very fortunate kid to be able to know LAODE ❤

I don’t lust for him and vice versa so I am very glad and happy. I mean I hardly know any guys who don’t look at me with those eyes okay?! (like as if they very hungry or desperate D:  )

I love how me and laode can communicate intellectually! Like how we don’t speak, (so used to each other), but yet can understand most of what we wanted to express. 

In his eyes, I see freedom, dreams, love, silver (opps :x), fun, responsibility, peace and many more! With his presence, I can focus and study better, he’s just like my amulet! Definitely better than a boyfriend, very effective. HAHAHA

He is a natural and idealist. I extremely love being with him! Though he got his temper (may blow up any time), and he is LAZY! But me and QAD both love him to the core!  Really thanks for the support you gave us, I think QAD will agree with me too! Without him, me and QAD will be stranded in most situations in class. But lucky I am attentive during lectures.. . 8D

So what? He scores better! I’m very proud of him and wish him all the best in his future endeavours. And if his plans for his future didn’t change, I will be expecting him to get married some 5 years later :p

I felt like my life’s not wasted on some bastard. Instead I spent them wisely because laode deserves my attention more than anybody. And of course QAD and some of my precious friends too!

Wish laode got a uhm happy time bonding with his NS mates, with his personality, I can foresee he will leave that place with too many friends to count, also hope laode will enjoy all Tekong training HAHA!

And I will pray for him to secure a place wherever he wanted. For him to live out his dreams, and his desired lifestyle. Also pray to God give him a very pretty wife *laughters echoing*

Alright, shall end it off here. Because seriously I’ve got never-ending gratitude and love for LAODE! ❤

My time is limited. Must learn to cherish people around me. I must.. .learn.

Today shall be the very first day in two years I’m gonna wait! Though I am not waiting for him with a purpose like I used to (to study together), now I’m waiting for him with a purpose! (to be the best of best friends AGAIN)

I will be a SIT graduate (I hope) by then he’s out!

Srsly, it is not like he will be going overseas, not coming back or what right? I’m a dumbo -.-

BUT WILL MISS HIM ANYWAY, EVERYWAY.

Counting down from now.. .

 

Bus

I’ve not hold many jobs since I graduate, or even before.

But all my different job experiences requires me to take buses to work.

I met many people at a bus-stop, and at the interchange.

Especially this pair of mother and son left a deep impression in me.

I’m on bus 65 one evening, on my way home, sitting at the top deck.

I saw them both rushing up the stairs into a seat beside me.

The son being curious starts asking a lot of questions as to where to go next.

When his mum explains she will accompany him to somewhere else, the son literally thank her for her thoughtfulness. I so half shock and half surprise 😀

She must be a really great mum to have such a sensible and considerate son!

He is not making a fuss like most children do on a bus, but sitting obediently with his mother, waiting to alight.

What a rare sight!

Taught me how important it is to teach your kids manners and i’m glad both of them are PRC. Who says all PRC are bad 🙂

Also another pair of mother and daughter I spotted at a bus-stop near vivo-city,

The mum looks fierce with her tattoos, while pushing her baby cart waiting for bus.

She seems to be annoyed by the long waiting time and look even more grumpy by the time the bus arrived.

But what caught my attention was, her interaction with her baby-girl in the pram.

Times when she look at her daughter with the pair of loving mother’s eyes, she will smile like an angel.

I am not exaggerating!

Transformation from ahlian to angel 😀

I’m a lazy person.

So I don’t bother running after buses even if I missed one on the spot.

I will just wait for another one.

But not a very patient person either.

Yesterday, the bus waited for me while I crossed the road waving my hands like an idiot.

But I was grateful when I get to board the bus!

Like many times in BL, the bus 240 drivers, PRC or not,

are considerate people without fail.

There are numerous encounters I have with buses.

Too many to put it all down to words.

Most importantly, I am pleased to see and feel that there’re still humankind in my surroundings.

I should never neglect them and their acts.

I must watch and learn and apply:)

For the better good!

Contract

Am very excited to know a new guy is taking over me, as I expected.

Because my job is too tough, physically draining for a lady I suppose.

And this guy will be having a 6 months contract with my work place.

Wish him great luck!

Because 3 months is too much for me to handle. Not the workload, but the affairs of our colleagues.

 

Anyways,

I am sooo looking forward to this Saturday! 

As this day shall be very special and unique :p

 

Also, My cough has not recover yet.

Thanks to my flu eh!

 

I am not pretending to be shy, but really, I only interact when necessary.

To save my own life -.-

Every corporate has it’s story and secrets.

Nobody needs to know, but it seems like human beings are forever demanding.

I should probably take things in my stride from now.

Don’t wanna screw my life and experiences:)

那一天

终于明白 心里明明就爱, 但脑袋又理直气壮地靠直觉走, 不顾及感受。

人人都说我对你很残忍, 那不是, 那是现实。 我很现实。

再怎么爱你, 也不想跟你在一起, 原因是我喜欢的你, 做事情认真,不做作。

但既然我们做朋友也做得如此辛苦,倒不如一刀两断。

况且,我们的距离已延伸到了十公里以外。

你走你的路,我爬我的。

要不是看在之前, 您大人费尽心思, 无微不至的照顾老娘。

老娘才甘愿留下来陪你。如果换成是别人,早一脚把你踢去北极了!

 

在很遥远的从前,

换句话来说,

在很久很久以前,

有一位姑娘, 如今变成了老娘 :/

回到过去,

她常常对自己说, 我愿意等待。

等有一天,

某个某人, 会抱着体弱多病的自己,

轻声细语的落在耳边的那几句话:

乖,跟着我,以后不愁吃, 再也不会让你饿肚子。

 

简单的几个字。

让本老娘苦等二十年。

才发现。。 。

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

饿了。。。 。

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

就应该煮东西吃!!

妈的等暇咪啊!! 〉。〉

饿了就找东西吃啊!

白痴的老姑娘 -。-

 

 

Lift broke down

So I was glad I missed work on Monday :/

If not I may need to carry weight 20kg plus bags up 5 flights of stairs :/

I am blessed 🙂

I still miss the chocolate banana cake I had last week 😀

awwwwwwfully tasty!

yummy!!

 

 

我发现操劳过度也会生病.

现在工作没那么拼命, 以免咳得更厉害.

还是少加班, 边工作边休息吧!

 

Life’s great *yawns*

I must get ready for the working marathon starting tomorrow!

Have to work OT for weekends as well. …

 

And I have been making pap and mam not sleeping well.

Because them both ‘re thinking bout J.

So? I don’t have to ponder. They shall miss him for me yea? HAHA

Anyways, I can feel it

Fading.

My feelings for him’re fading.

AND I’M SO HAPPY 🙂

Because I am finally back to loving myself 😀

 

Those days suck when I long for him.

I hate myself feeling needy. What I want is for people to need me, not me needing anybody.

I wish I can shut myself in, so that no one can enter me ATALL

gah

Searching for my sewing kit again.. .

Let it be

I confessed.

This is the very first time I talk so openly and loudly in an MRT station- Tiong Bahru.

Since my parents decide we should hold our family meeting on the platform.

Told my parents how much I actually love him.

And I gave up the chance to be with him because of my promise.

And wanted them to trust me I will do well in my school.

And best they not be so paranoid or worried for me.

 

Thanks QAD for accompanying my the whole Sunday 🙂

And our very full meal, all the jokes and laughters.

And my taggy family :/

Thanks for all the fun!

爱死你了!

 

尽管我有多么爱他。

也不愿让他陪着我难过,所以我做的是对的。

就算真的很喜欢, 甚至到了边洗澡边流泪的地步。

身上的每个细胞都恋着他。

也不会违背自己的诺言。

 

刚刚我妈问我。

既然你那么爱她,那他送你的项链, 怎么不戴?

不知道为什么,

只有爸爸明白我的心。

既然拒绝他了。

为何要戴上他送的链, 

向世界宣誓死也要做他的女人吗?

莫名其妙!

真的受够了。

 

一,

怀疑我的朋友心存不轨。

二,

在众人面前, 把我男性朋友通通拿来做比较。

三,

就因为我心里最清楚父母的脾气,所以私底下走男友, 希望时间可以证明我是真心的,但还是被父母发现,拆散, 到后来选择光明正大不隐瞒。 又因为不相信,怀疑心重, 让我喘不过气来。

到底要我怎样?

更生气的是,

妈还说她不相信我爱他。

因为没有任何举动可以证明。

如果我做的那么明显,那您老人家会接受他吗?

妈说会。

原来妈妈很喜欢他!

心底希望我们可以成果。

但爸只要我专心念书。

并要我许下臣诺。 决心不谈恋爱。

 

两头不是岸!

让我淹死算了。

 

So what?

Mummy really hope I be with him? I think all she wants is money.

MONEYMONEYMONEY!

She says she feels hurt when she saw me hurting J.

Yea right. 

Then go adopt him then -.-

Up to now even if I confessed in front of my parents who I really love.

And that my budd is friend zoned.

They still believed the way my budd behaves shows that he is infatuated with me.

So tales spread around my family.

And I have to tell them budd is only a FRIEND.

Pap wants me to focus on studying.

But mummy insists I not be with budd and wants me to sever all ties with him.

 

I was so upset yesterday.

我狠心割爱。

就是为了证明我做得到。

I kept my promise. To concentrate in my studies.

Yet pap keeps emphasizing I should study and not think about anything else.

I have commitments.

And I certainly don’t want the person I love to face my parents and all these shit!

This is why one of the million reasons I rejected the person I loved so much.

Thanks God pap is understanding.

 

Mummy even suggests I be friends with J first then we can date in the future.

BUT NO!

You take it too easy.

When Laoyi explains for me that there is no way I can be friends with J.

It is either a together or don’t even be friends thing.

Because when one likes another, one expects a lot.

And one must get over if one cannot be with another.

Isn’t this the rule?

So even if mummy wants me to be friends with him such that we can continue dating in the future is nearly impossible.

Even pap knows that, from a guy’s point of view.

It is hard to even concentrate, while you have feelings for another.

I know mummy likes him.

She LIKES J MORE THEN ME -.-

I guess she only like rich guys.

I can understand she is my mummy and she loves me.

So she wants the best for me.

But by being too demanding, and not understanding doesn’t help at all.

 

Mummy thinks she is the cause my of broken relationships and empty childhood.

But seriously she is thinking too much.

I should try and tell her what is love.

And what is it the feeling I have for J.

And hope she understand.

She keeps talking to herself recently.

And this is really scary :/

 

I need to do something.

Yea.. . 

Now her turn to cry.

):

I am always hurting the people around me.

Sigh.

I don’t deserve anybody.

And sincerely I wish all satan’s work to end now.

Mummy is really tired and I don’t want any ghost

to possess her like what she told me.

 

I guess the ghosts actually refers to stress, worries and etc.

Needs to bring mummy on a holiday to let her rest her mind and her soul for once.

Will work very very hard until mid August and tour before my orientation camp starts.

QAD thanks for your time and love 😀

 

She’s part of my family always and forever!

As for my love to J.

Let it be.

Don’t plan to do anything about it.

🙂