Friday

Didn’t bother to say goodbye to J before he alight.

Was staring at my very own feet. My shoes.

He smsed goodbye.

JJ says I must not be stress nor sad, because Janice is doing well.

So it will be fine for me too.

Take it easy sounds great. But why can’t I do it?

Time to cry.

 

I always thought I am the best.

I don’t have to cry, I must not do so.

Or even if I did accidentally, I can wipe tears off and say every thing will be alright.

But the fact is that, I’ve never been able to stop myself from crying.

It is a kind of disease.

Affecting me, infesting me, digesting me like a virus.

 

I felt like I can finally stop see-ing J on next Monday.

At least I won’t be that uptight or stress any more.

I can handle all the Microbial work myself.

He can handle all the HPLC since he’s the expert.

This whole week, I left my lappy on the desk without touching it at all.

 

I am from planet earth. But I don’t feel like a human being.

When I want to escape, I can’t go hell, I can’t go heaven.

I am stuck. Thats how I feel.

I am still here.

 

I need to sleep, I want to sleep. I have to sleep. I am going to sleep.

Sleep.

路上

什么是忙 , 什么是悠闲 。
感觉好累 。 问题是 每次回家的路上 , 虽然能看见高挂在蓝天空的太阳,
但还是觉得闷惨 了。

到家了,可心还不在。 它没有回来。
这些日子,让我学会了不少。
肚子也慢慢不饿了。
心情也降温了。
爱消失了。

天天看不见外面,
只能呆在室内,晒那灯光,
面对J。

对他,我腻了。
对工作,我累了。
对生活,厌倦了。
对生命, 反感了。
我知道,再多几日,我就会没知觉了。

没有理想, 没有信心,没有前途,没有意义。

又来了! 他又回来了!
恶魔回来了。
他说要把我带走。
带到一个不会有伤痛, 没有苦,没有泪,不会憔悴,不会悲伤,心不会出血,
没有快乐,没有心碎,没有爱,只要一直睡。

一直睡,就会好了。

J

His initial is my topic

COOL right!

JJ went home early today because he felt sick.

He told us about the 01 and 03 Dairy for PDD are doing yoghurt cake.

So he is going to be mad busy helping and teaching them on profiling

When the students coming back.

Me and J stayed back in the robing room,

Sitting on the metal bench, we almost went crazy with the books and journals

Still alive now and typing…

Went home with J today.

He wore green again!

Green shoe bag and everything. GRAH

OTW to MRT station,

J jokes alot, and ended up I cant even find my voice

Laughing too much, I hiccup three times .____.

He even imitate our HPLC expert’s speech 😀

I hate it when he always repeat what I say with my voice tone ):

Teasing me all the way!

But my imagination always run wild and

I always will feel “unbalance” . (pun intended!)

HAHAHAHA

Also, his Chinese is really like what JJ had said,

In a cold room, to him is “冷漆漆” HAHAHAHA

I laughed from the FYP room to the MRT.

Recently, all the natural disaster is coming to all countries, and Singapore had quite few fires breaking out and the economic of Singapore is falling hard.

Saw it on the news showing now, saddening.

J is a great total entertainment today!

Thanks God!

For hinting me too *winks* when I mention J should get a green wallet

adding to his collection,

He mentioned I should buy for him.

Then beside me, there is a bag, attaching a green wallet.

HAHA!

I asked me why didn’t he get a Green slipper. He says its spoiled.

China invented the gold vending machine.

Mama says gold is the best during wars and disasters.

Because gold is a form of money and assurance.

No money, must got gold.

Money can become paper, but gold is forever gold.

HAHA What a lecture from mama uh! She say diamond also useless.

Guess I want a gold ring for my wedding *shings*

OMG side tracked!

Back to J 😀

Well he left at Jurong station today, then I go lakeside immediately.

Bought two pieces of bread, I have been curbing my urge to eat my favourite bread and I always succeed.

Only when I’m extremely happy, then can I break my own rules.

It is no wonder they say, happy people tends to fall in love easily.

So, when you wanna woo some body, make her happy!

Send her to zoological garden and watch animal farm to coax her high spirit 😛

HAHAHA What am I trying to hint uh?

OMG two Singaporeans missing in after the boat capsize few days ago.

This is D:

Well, grats to Clone for scoring 3.8 GPA! ❤

Lastly, I spent 10 hours with J today.

And I spent 50 hours with J in a week.

Well, I calculated, I have to spend 600 hours doing this FYP, with J.

Which now only 200 hours has passed…

Counting down!!

Train

My only transport so far.

With JJJ today. Found out JJ really very close to J.

Both greens really work together like salad mix.

Really mad looking forward to Saturday outing!

JJ whole day very slack.

J with me, handle the HPLC whole day.

It’s week 4! Yet we’re not even started.

Tomorrow is lab accreditation day.

Hope they get it 😀

And I pray J stop teasing me!

Getting out of hand GRAH.

Also, when I’m with J always,

I feel his presence.

Lord, are you hinting me?

When I’m with J, you always let me see the bible.

Today, J didn’t brought his, so I thought finally.

And there, A woman sitting in front of us, when JJ alighted not long ago.

And J got the chance to move in beside me, I’m leaning in a pole
And him being isolated far.

She took out the most favourite selling book of the world,

and start reading.

I told J, God is hinting me to read his words.

He smiled.

He say I can start reading Matthew, and the 4 main books first.

I nod my head. Then I look away.

He is so near me, but I cannot tell him anything at all.

Maybe I can talk to him.

But how funny when you cannot talk to your own clique when you have problems

with yourself.

Well, I hope I can pick up the courage to go this Sunday.

I need to get my courage and faith back.

回忆

是谁说 回忆是生命力 最美的

还记得中学时期, 每当跟凯琪一起从车站走回家时

都笑得非常灿烂, 因为太开心,

说话是太激动, 表情太夸张,

心跳起伏太大, 回家后, 总是躲在房间或浴室

里痛哭。

总是不知道为什么,

所以日子久了, 就告诉她

“我不能笑得太疯, 因为回家后会奔溃”

他始终不了解, 不能体会, 所以认为是我自己有情绪上的问题。

甚至, 让我开始怀疑, 我的人格真的有问题。

而由始至终, 只是及乐生悲。

发现这个, 只发生在我身上, 身边的人总不能明白。

可是, 奇妙的是, 我和亲爱的, 从来都不曾有这样的感受。

是我们不够疯, 还是她带给我的喜悦,

是无比的快乐, 安详, 一种甜蜜友谊。

而不是中学, 不懂事的胡闹, 疯癫的大笑, 也不是高兴过后

还要对自己剩余的情感有所交代, 用悲伤补上极乐的缺口。

这不是幸福, 这也许就是哲学家的情绪境界。

18 by G.E.M

作曲:G.E.M.
填詞:G.E.M.
編曲:G.E.M.
監製:Lupo Groinig

回望當天貪玩太過忘形
連大考都竟敢放肆即興
從未懂謙虛傾聽 從不肯小心改正
曾經錯對未會望清

而慢慢開始將稚氣暫停
現實種種的挑戰要適應
如順景當然高興 如出錯虛心改正
而這種改變今天可見證

這刻我想親身致謝
往昔你真心的愛錫
從未離開拖緊我 走過黑夜
而使我更學會獨立些

這刻我想親身致謝
你使我的心不再野
陪著成長多得你 我一再感謝
從今天起我真的不撒野

從今天起我 我真的不 撒野

 

Hope this is my 18 year old song.

Going 19 in 17 days…

明白

乐极生悲

释义:高兴到极点时,发生使人悲伤的事。

出处《淮南子·道应训》:“夫物盛而衰,乐极则悲。”

事物总是由茂盛向衰败转变,如鲜花的盛开和谢衰。
快乐到头了将向悲伤转变,如大家高兴饮酒,而后发酒疯。
这是现代人的解释,也是从客观规律的角度,从哲学有关事物都是发展变化的角度来解释这类问题的。
如果按古代人的解释,盛衰和乐悲都是同时存在的,当盛盛盛到最后一该便是衰开始了。因此古人云:否极泰来。不是指否反过来是泰,而是指经过长期的磨难后,终将迎来转变的曙光。

就是如今的日常生活中,中老年人因大笑情绪激动导致死亡的(如观看足球赛大获全胜或打麻将时赢了个满贯)也是屡见不鲜。

古人早就观察到这一点,所以,中医学中有“大喜伤心”之说。《淮南子·道应训》中也有“夫物盛而衰,乐极则悲”的记载。这些都说明,笑虽有益于健康,但也要有节有度,因时、因人制宜。

生理学家发现:人们在笑的时候,可调节大脑皮层高级神经中枢和自主神经系统的功能,又牵动面部肌肉,从而消除精神紧张、促进血液循环。但只有自然愉快地笑、微笑、眉开眼笑、有节制地笑,才有利于健康长寿。

狂笑、捧腹大笑,由于必须调动内脏、骨骼等众多肌肉组织参与完成,同时因情绪极度兴奋激动,体内去甲肾上腺素分泌突然增加,会引起全身血管收缩,使呼吸、心跳加快,血压升高,机体耗氧量增加,所以情况严重时极容易导致心、脑血管疾病突然发作而死亡。

Have to take great care of myself, must learn from Laode, never ever see him laugh out loud before, so I bet he can live long life.

But the choice is either to live short, laugh crazily, or live longer, smile ample.

Fast

This earth is spinning too fast.

Too fast.

I am not catching up with anything at all.

Thanks beloved Clone for replying my email in your bloq 😀

Gonna reply later afternoon after I’m done with my analysis!

Recently fell in love with G.E.M

Do not mistook, she’s no Korean band.

A Hong Kong singer ❤

Got her 3 albums songs. Mad in love with her!

I must rmb to tell Clone her My secret album, Twinkle II song.

BRB

Right Choice (yesterday)

Used to think that any choice pays a price. Therefore it is never wrong or right.
But bloqqing remains a comfort for me despite circumstances when I forgot things I wanna bloq about, or there are certain things that cannot be put to words exactly.
Living with papa for these 3 years, not only can I study in such conducive environment, but also, staying away from my bigger part of family keeps me independent. Though I quite use to eating spoiled food.
Reminds me today I swallowed the whole half packet of expired milk, given to me by JJ accidentally.
It makes me feel sick, hope I won’t vomit blood later.
Went home with YL. Start to think that I, we are extremely alike in character. Even the way we think things to be. It can be quite scary sometimes.
Met papa at KFC, I only realizes its papa’s birthday today, it’s no wonder he ask us out for dinner.
I only know that when Regina told me on the phone.
I am seriously fed up with her already. It is no one or two days. It is a year or so. Her attitude, I wonder how her friends tolerate her, or she is a total different person in front of her peers?
Because forever she is rude to me in her language and accent, body language and to my friends. As if I am the bad guy. Even my friends told me so, that I have a very rude sister, and a very hot tempered one.
She can exclaim in front of my younger siblings that I am rude in my messages, showing to them how I typed to her. That is totally frustrating. I prayed to God, to calm me down. Show mercy on me and my family.

It is not going to be often eating out with them, but this is getting me blood boil. How can I continue to love my family when there is not communication lacking, but serious attitude problems going on between us?

I am the only p[person typing, papa and youngs are washing their hands preparing themselves for the meal later, and mama, Reg ordering the meals.

She can pretend nothing happen, and faking in front of me, telling me why am I so vulgar in my message and acting innocent in front of my parents. If I am not calm or don’t remain my posture, I confirm box or shout at her in the public.
Thanks Lord, I am able to keep calm and stable yet.
Today, during FYP (QAD says I hardly talk about my FYP), I played with J and JJ and Xin, hence there is only fooling around work. So I got pretty much to tell.
Also, J and me is always in the lab doing things with my Sup. I could not really reveal what’s going on, or if I can, I don’t know how. Because everything thing is going to expose my client’s composition or recipe. Well, I can’t really talk in general. Or maybe I can 
Shall try when I get to see my beloved QAD soon!

The meal is here. I can smell it from the table. I have yet to sanitize my hands, HAHA
OMG, food, smell, taste makes me feel extremely great! I can’t help but smile when I smell food!
Wow! It rhymes! I think I should really feel attached to KFC, because when I’m young, I used to munch KFC almost every month. Now 10 years down the road, I am still in KFC. What a flashback I could ever have.

Papa’s calling me. Guess he wanted me to eat my food. Well, shall have it peacefully, stuff the chicken piece in my mouth to keep it shut or munching so that I won’t spill anything about my anger. It is no swallowing pain or sadness, anger, but to calm it down and put out the fire before I spits like a dragon: P

JJ spike me by saying he level 63 now, anyway I missed out dinner with MingYang due to me leaving early. Hope everybody is fun now: D
I got to eat! Food is paradise: D
For a food science student.

Anyway, being a food science student is really the best choice I can have.

I always have the same topic throughout the day. And if anyone notices, I meant one thing from the start, but end up in a total different conclusion.
Well to make things not awkward for my family, I shall start talking about discount and offers first. The Singapore big sale! Simply delicious! Attractive and WONDERFUL to the max: D

Pure coincidence

I saw him, just behind my lab where I did my HPLC run.

He is with Isabelle and another girl. He is smiling so happily with wide grins.

I felt sick for a moment.

But went on to have a breather at my space balcony.

I cant believe how down am I at that moment. (few seconds ago)

My tears just poured onto my face within minutes while I walk back from Q to N.

I hate people who touched me.

Am I the one? The culprit for making Regina become like this now? Because I didn’t heed my papa’s advice, and walk that dark route, the short cut which ends up us both being molested?

I am silly. For dragging myself down, feeling emotional at almost any second of the day.

Better listen to songs now to calm myself down.