What is hell wrong with me? Shedding tears like nobody’s business.

Crying like a bitch wont do me any good except wasting my time trying to vent onto this blog post, or sacrificing my project work.

One really has to go thru all that painful periods of letting go old friends, so as to embrace new ones?

I always done this without thinking the consequences, thinking that I can cope with new friends. Just keep inviting, knowing, intro new people into my life, my social circle without realising that the larger it gets, the harder it is to contain myself.

Because its just so hard to deal with ALL the relationships.

Especially when you know your current ones will become a history once you step into society, the old ones had already become distance long ago and that you can only accept the truth, and that future ones who may step into your life will only contribute to your discard list.

This vicious cycle of treating friends, handling friendships, is like the vicious cycle of human life. Not that I believe in reincarnation but the way humans generation after another does just the same.

It is so overwhelming, the feeling when you witness 50< friends you once knew on line. Its so hurting to feel those strings tagging at you, that they were once your very best friends and now, none.

I cant handle the truth. I cannot. I guess I need time. I guess making friendships the most important part of your life is simply exhausting.

I might as well don't have friends any more since I reached my maximum.

How to maximum when I don't even have limits?

Buck up, project time now(:

Recuperating. ..


Self Discovery

After spending some hours reading finished my general module notes , did I realise how far am I standing strong on earth.

Noted some points that I need to carry out, except that, the rest, had been long installed in my head.

Found some notes interesting to share too !

So actually humans have strong need to belong to someone or a group which indicates that we are all social beings. It is no wonder why I freaking love my clique to this extent.

From those social networks and the common need to exchange information, it only shows that us beings just like to communicate(:

The secret of happiness(I hope I can send out this notes but too bad, not allowed) is not just in receiving love and care but in giving it.
Ha ! somebody tell me if I dont give love at all. Perhaps love is the only thing that the more you give it away the more you have.

AND funny is that the topic on : The Art Of Communication
I fulfil it all, those terms and what listed out there importance of emotional connection in relationships.
So I have been living a healthy lifestyle, mature love to be exact.

Romantic love VS Companionate love
I believe in both. Both happened to me before. & I trust that if i wanna get a hubby in the future, I bet i wanna try it ALL out with him. every single thing not to be miss ! HAHA

(Dry Topics) Sharing is fun ! So to what I’m doing now. They say, when we are with our loved one, (no s) , we have more self esteem, liking ourselves more. Your partner brings out the best in you. Like good friends, being able to work out conflicts and disappointments. Enjoy each other blahblah.
Isnt this ideal enough already? 😀

Lastly, Unit 6 on managing challenges in life&relationship II

exercising self care , promoting health and financial management.
Thats it ! the latter one is what I’m not so good yet. Hope I can self upgrade more !

Sharing new stuff next time ! asap 😛


♥ Thanks QAD for the big packets of sweet hearts marshymallows , juicy fruits, mini chocolates muffins & yummy sweets ! REALLY makes me SWEETTOOTH till SWEETHEART 😀 ♥

Those big packets of em really sweet me to my toes MAN ! if only there’s such word and such a way to use it !!

Lyrics to Goodbye Happiness BY Utada Hikari !! <3

After the sweet candy has disappeared
A sad looking little boy
On a cloudless Summer Day

Sunburnt hands and feet
Careless if her white one piece gets dirty
An unconscious paradise

I waited after the dream, but nothing
Then one day, I learned of your name

So Goodbye Loneliness
Singing along to a love song
Reflected in your eyes, I’m laughing

So Goodbye Happiness
We can’t return to those times
When we were naive and energetic
But that’s okay
Love me

You can’t overthink it or get too desperate
Don’t fool yourself
It’s a tough world

When humans find themselves all alone
Is when they realize the meaning of love

These fading passing days
Let me hear a gentle song
Do you still remember, to this day
The way we felt around the time we met

So Goodbye Innocence
We can’t return to those times
When we were naive and energetic
It’s all your fault
Kiss me

Oh everything goes round and around
Oh Darling Darling I’m not going to move on to someone else
Only you

Wouldn’t it be great if we could just live the way we are?
At crucial moments, my other self blocks my way.

So Goodbye Happiness
I want to return to those times
When we were naive and energetic
Baby, just one more time
Kiss me

The remains of your heart

Stay calm,

You cannot be selfish.

How many times did you mention him in front of your friends

ever since you broke up with him?

Dont ever do that again.

Its unforgivable.

Let him go, please, so you can let yourself go.

And remember, dont cry, dont ever shed a single tear.

Cos he is doing good out there. Be happy for him.

You can do it.

Now, smile.


I always thought to myself that blog posts re used for complaining, recounting, reflecting, explaining, defining, informing, justifying or even fooling around.

Now I know, blogging is a part of lifestyle. My life.

It is to tell, to state, to feel, to dream, to care, to relax, to expose, to interpret, to foresee, to love. Me.

The more I write, the more I post, the more I exclaim, the more I spam, the better I feel.

I feel great bout myself !

Re-reading them is another thing. But still feels same satisfying.

No matter couple blog or not or what or @!

Personalise ! I personalise, i dont personate. This is me.

Recently, went to see sunset at west coast with budd ! Promised 50 years of fun with him, promised to go movie with korkor someday, promised this&that. Millions of them. But it makes me feel secured, like as if I’m really really certain I could live up to long long time.

Listening to suckerpunch soundtracks for days.

My most favourite one : Sweet Dreams (are made of this).

Lyrics: Sweet dreams are made of this
Who am I to disagree?
Travel the world and the seven seas
Everybody’s looking for something
Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused

Sweet dreams are made of this
Who am I to disagree?
Travel the world and the seven seas
Everybody’s looking for something
Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused

I wanna use you and abuse you
I wanna know what’s inside you

. ..

Great song !! And oh well,

I got really freaked out by Sanctum’s gore-ness.

But inspiring. I didnt focus much bout the part where the son escaped, only the corspe that returns after every disaster.

Why? We choose all our paths. I chose mine. No regrets? YEP !

(I would still say so after million years-if I can live that long)

Okay, other than getting really excited bout expeditions with friends, spending time for buffets, gobbling up foods, downloading& appreciating songs online, updating FB, other accounts,

I do meditations, preparing for school mentally, set aside time resting fully, read books, articles, newspapers online.

Get myself perk up for the new challenge. Bless me. This time round, my turn to win.




Its too late to do anything or say anything now. Thats what she told me.

Yea, truetrue.

I am a fucking betrayer. Why didn’t I realise that?

& Why didnt She hate me ? How she she smile to me, I’m such a utter horrible person.

A freaking useless bitch.

I used to think as long as I tried my best, I am good to her. How the hell I think I am nice when I’m so cruel to her feelings.

I didnt spare her thoughts or feelings.

Me, insensitive bastard. What’s the use getting mad at myself when things come to such state?

I mad at good man when he did things to me, how about those I done to her? Its retribution. Wasn’t it?

I deserve this !

Couldnt sleep, til now. Because I know this is the last breath, & still I would say


And now, comes to him. I always thought I have friends. Many friends.

But serious, half of him is bliss already. How can i not categorize him the best among mine?

But what I do in return when he care for me so much?

I hurt him once and twice and again and again.

And yet, I’m always his number 1 ! (and this is what he confessed)

I’m sorry really, for blaming him for everything

I just couldnt do. I broke my promise , whats worst, i hurt him.

I was rude, from the very start.

I wasnt even good to him. What sort of friend am I ?

And I’ve hurt myself by hurting him and her.

And I done everything on my own. I destroyed every single relationship I have with people.

Dont have to stay in touch with any soul anymore.

I think I need to be in sorrowful and lonely life forever to understand the pain I caused them to feel.

I need punishment now.

The more they wont blame me, the worst I feel. They not gonna do it, I do.

I felt disgusted by myself. I hate myself.

This shall be my ending.

for a selfish person like me. Give me hell, and I’ll be grateful