Lifes like that(=

How long have it been since the previous horrible incident?
its been so long since i write a bloq on myself.
New Year ahead. yea.
shall be my best year.
how hard isit i ve walked out of my past.
all those failed relationships.
but if i ever had the choice to start my life all over again,
i would still choose to go over
the same thing.
do the same stuff
make the same decisions
because i wont regret. never in my life.
these days,
i ve spend my time mostly on reading articles,
drinking jasmin green tea
eating lots of delicacies
from my school kitchen.
can consider as doing fine our thr.
nw & then.
just that,
i realise.
i didnt walk out of my past.
i still rmb that beautiful smile of someone
some  flashbacks.
worst of it,
i think im reflecting alot on life.
im not thinking only of one person.
but alot.
like suddenly, everything
just came up to me all at once
flood my mind
at the very instant.
i start day dreaming
in lectures.
became very dazed
total BLUR
even though i am actually doing test or any of my assignments,
i can do them mechanically.
but my soul is somewhr else.
i know im not missing those things in the past.
i know if i talk openly about it,
it shows that im free.
i ve walked out of those.
but its like a string.
tying onto me forever.
& i knw i cant stay emo forever.
i suspect i got depression.
cos whichever article i ve read,
i realise
i always have the symtoms listed
damn it lors!
i ve got everything i wouldnt want to have.
my biggest dream is still to
become a scientist.
try jumping off a plane
go africa experience life as a villager
as a hunter
spin my yoyo,
bang my door.
tear down my bed.
paint my walls red.
light up my ceiling with thousand bulbs
defeat a monster.
earn alot $$$
travel around the world in 100 days
eat more delicacies
invent something useful
have a family of my own.
plant sunflowers in my garden
own an helicopter
grow my own fruits
have a company of my own
set up schools for children
decorate my house
design my own brand of dresses
have a glamourous wedding
go to outer space.
donate $1.5 million to charity
theres so much i wanna do.
i knw its not easy.
but i still wantwantwant!
right nw i can only dream.
cos the most important thing now is
to get over
this semester s exam
with Aces
all Aces.
if not, the rest are
there s this once,
 i met a girl on the MRT
she was kind of disturbed
by an old man
he keeps talking to her
bout her school
saying stuff
she doesnt know what to reply
then i start talking to her instead
to distract her
from the guy
then i reach my stop .
i went out
idk why
i jut felt exceptionate-ly
just becos i ve talked to a stranger
i just think
i love making friends man.
& i go around shaking plants in my school
my QAD thought
 i was sick in the mind ._.
i LOVE talking so much
i can talk from boonlay
to yoichukang
i have had deja vu nowadays.
just had a mini soccer match with
yang, agnes,dor,john,caleb
in our food lab
we had this spring cleaning. but ended up
thought short, but sweet
then i started coping peanuts from the lab
then got caught by liang. wahaha!
she made me do extra work. hehe
its junjie s birthday.
we gave him a surprise in the south canteen
what a ncie day
i feel like i ve forgotten totally bout my first love.
but yet i rmb …
the beautiful guy who kissed me
& made my toes curl
& his bone crushing hug
that makes me melt instantly
the ever assuring love
the best of all
too bad he forget me edi
-an ex. greatestlove
& then i rmb this guy who  hold my hands &
stay with me to chat
 at my opened window
the one who always chat with me thru the phone
from night to dawn
morning to sunset
the cutest buddy i ever had
-budd. ily
& this one who ve pei me
watched stars at night
gave me his everything,
pei me thru-out the night
sent me a secret letter
thru mail
folded this stupid paper
sampan which i kept till nw.
listened to all my troubles
& eventually stay with me thru the end.
as friends, or whatever.
gonna love him forever
-BZ my soulmate
& this guy who told me he love me for
a thousand times
who kept me under his protection so much
always hang out with me
when the moon is out
we ll play in the playground
under those dim-dim lights
best pal ever.
jackson godblessyou
& this 5 legged human.
kept me entertained always
most exciting guy i ve ever known
even ants can be the most interesting topic
as long as he keeps talking,
i can sacrifice my beautiful sleep
for him
a child lover.
caring friend.
always make me
asking for more.
-starfish mybestcrush
pattern more than badminton.
always talk rubbish
but he s the best counsellor
i ve ever met
always available
i can share any secrets with him
-AIAI alwaysloveyou
& the not rich but
always spend alot on me
just to make me
feel happy
buys me prsent at every occasion of the year
alays bring me out to eat
see! i so fat edi
the person who gave me
the chance to
3 wishes
& he ll fufill everything i want
as long as he can afford to
what a silly right
the most virtual person i ve known
this person made an unforgettable birthday for me
in my life.
brought a cake
had a picnic in ecp
bring 100 lightsticks to do the
birthday poster on the beach
at night
candles to have fun
most cute saggitarus
-Pin withlove
&& this fucking horny guy
my sex consultant.
somebody who always help me
who always pei me play chess
who come my hse just to play barbie doll
with me
-Julian lovelots
&& this korkor
of mine
who always stand
by me
dote on me
buy me things i like
make alot paper frogs
which i still kept them all
in my mini
-Alvin bestkor
&& this silly fellow
who thought i betrayed him
& left me for few years
but came back
this guy who grew up with me
watch me grow
& always keep me safe
& gave me laughter&joy
my growing years.,
-Yang oldfriend
&&& this idoit guy
kept asking me to protect myself
when he cant even protect himself
gave me lots of empty promises
treats me best
spoil my calculator
but return a new onee
all my lollipops
come from him.
-YongHui gdbuddy
-Dor. QAD(Yin). Xin.Nana.Kee.Yunn.Lainy.Tian. lots of girlfriends whom gave me their time&love.
lots more. till got alot friends, buddies not mentioned.
but i still love them always&forever.
To my friends.