After he left, my life kind of turned
its not due to the fact his absence
bring me extra happiness
i focused more on making myself feel better
cause i simply
& things arent really going well
eevn if i tried my best to keep
things on track.
Yin is not going for the christmas party I organised.
i was not the first person to know that
i was so nearly bing pangsehh.
worst to worst,
she’s affecting Pin.
Nana is working damn hard for herself.
my so call clique
is not even a clique.
People just tend to themselves more than
What are Friends for?
the only question i’ve never ask myself before.
Last time, he
used to tell me.
so hard, he trying to tell me that friends are nothing
& yet i turned down his idea.
i dont believe him.
till now, i seemed
shaken to the core.
Because i have doubts
doubts makes people fear.
fear for the worst
it triggers my protection skin.
i fear that i will isolate myself
so that i wont get hurt.
i fear that i will lose things or people
i shouldnt lose.
sometimes, by appearing
to have no problems,
doesnt mean it doesnt exist.
However, i do not pretend
because i dont want to be a coward
i stand brave&strong.
because i want to be.
after the whole incident, my mama
she dote me more than before.
i get to realise alot of things.
i know family should be the first thing at heart
Family comes before everything.
But i kept a balanced.
i spare time equally thru-out people
who knows me.
& I am not obsessed with my family, nor anybody out there.
But Im in love with them.
All of the people i know.
& that is why i keep hurting myself.
When i look back my life,
worth all i’ve done. because i spent great lots of time
playing&studying the way
i’ve got friends.
1 or 2, thousands or millions.
as long as we people are connected by heart,
numbers are nothing.
Because i’ve spent a great deal of time
I’ve become what i want to be
A person with looks( i’ve taken care of myself),
with love(spent relationships with everyone),joy(thru exciting adventures with friends&families),
with care(what i’ve given to all the people in the world), with results(my hardwork&effort),
with integrity(my surroundings),
with maturity(forced independence since young),
lastly, with skills.
Something people cant take away from me.
Skills that can last me a lifetime or more.
Skills that will bring me thru all milestones
Thou im sick,
& tired of some ugly parts
of human nature,
i still have to stay calm
& the people.
Best of all, i did thought of him when i bought my christmas present.
However, it doesnt matter anymore.
because he fell in love with my ex-gf.
& all in all, i’ve promise the God, i would stay single
for 2 years.
Then he will set me free.
but what i think is that,
everyone is free.
everybodys got freedom to do what they want.
& i choosed to let go.
Friends. i’ve not lacked.
So the clique, i shall not hold onto it anymore.
because its simply hopeless.
& my family, its already broken from long ago.
therefore. i will not hold it back in one piece,
but rather, i will do my best to keep my siblings,
my blood-related -s- safe& sound at all cost.
& my schwork.
i promised the God, if i complete my studies
after 2 years, he would gurantee me a good job.
i dont have to worry anymore.
Thou im always spiritual,
but this is not a belief, nor a posessed thought.
no more ands.
i must say happy regardless of all the unhappiness(:
& my fellow friends.