Relaxed

Finished half tub of my beloved pineapple tarts and brewed myself a huge filled to the brim cup of apple and lavender tea. 

 

Enjoyed myself watching TV the whole afternoon and style my hair crimp with a straightener. Feeling to put on a mask and sleep tonight, or before that brush my teeth twice, or have a bite on some raw vegetables:)

 

Felt so upset this morning, when I almost had an heart attack, knowing my chances of getting into my desired university courses got challenged by the fact I am not a well rounder in school.

Hope the very least my academic results can still get me somewhere. And I felt lucky too, to have Regina who can helped me to do the printing work, make my life less miserable finding missing printers or cartridge. And now I finally understand why on earth is she doing intern ship early, why is she volunteering at the Formula 1, Sentosa spooktacular servicing.  Why is she doing all sorts of community work, and make herself sleepless and busy TTM.

That is all about passion! To visit a mental hospital and do voluntary work there is definitely not easy. To handle people who are sick mentally is a challenge. And all that she done in her polytechnic life, she only done all these in a year. 

So lets say everything times 3, she do stand a good chance in the competition if she ever wanna get into university instead of working early in the workforce.

She always does things that put her in a good stead, and it just felt so much better to know that my kins are doing it alright. Though I do know that Liva and LC is scoring like crazy for their CCAs.

He wanted to be a commando, she wanted to join girls guide and serve people, they both are very good in sports and commit themselves into both non academic and academic school life.

Makes me understand WHY when Johnny Quek’s very last farewell email stated that we people got to play doubly hard as compared to studying. Because life is not only about studying.

When I read Teo Aik Cher’s book from Liva’s desktop few weeks ago, It says that people who are really good in their academic performances, usually loves running marathon. Because the stamina they built, the patience, the effort and the workout is all worth it! And applies to all sorts of physical and mental building

 

Whats now in my mind is really to take a break from all these worryings and just go with what I have.

For everyone is brought up differently, having so much different ethnics and culture, background, thinking and preference. And one has to fight. Fight for your own future.

And if a war is needed, stand strong. It is not only about competing with others anymore. It is to compete with own self.  Because I MYSELF is the one who choose everything! I am here now graduating from FS diploma because I chose this! 

So once again, I choose what I want in uni, and I must do it.

Le me hear some songs. .. Drive by- Train.

And clear all my inbox and do whatever I can.

For once I get back to IAP, I am enjoying again! No worries, no woes.

If I really got in, then I might cry and worry then. Not now.

Just got to finish my poster and send to J by today. I held him up so long. Hope he don’t get angry. And if he do, then I will sleep. HAHA Makes no sense uh!

 

How can I survive that long? 20 years leeeeeyy.

I am always telling myself, maybe I need some MY TIME..

to match my mental age with my physical age.

I cannot be forever young at heart. Because that would be no motivation, but living in self denial state.

I must think about, and list things out as to how a 20 years old behave.

And start planning for myself.

If papa can live his 60 years like this, with an o lvl cert.

Then why am I worrying as if I would die if I cannot get into a university?

 

Life goes on.

It is my expectation and desire that kills me.

So I lower them to destress.

And fight my battle again when I recover my strength.

Le me go edit my 300 words essay first.

I don’t want to be unrealistic telling people I want to be a zoologist when

what I really want is to grow up.

To mature now.